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#405928 - 08/05/12 08:07 PM Cycle of Abuse
thrifty Offline

Registered: 08/05/12
Posts: 2

I am a professional who is currently working with a male survivor who has expressed concern with continuing the cycle of abuse. He also recently hinted at having inappropriate thoughts, but knows that he will not act on those thoughts.

I'm just looking for information I can share with him on the cycle of abuse, how to prevent it, things like that.

Thank you all!

#405930 - 08/05/12 08:11 PM Re: Cycle of Abuse [Re: thrifty]
Vadrian Offline

Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 114
Loc: Pacific
Beverly Engel's book 'Breaking The Cycle Of Abuse' could help both of you.

#405939 - 08/05/12 09:41 PM Re: Cycle of Abuse [Re: thrifty]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
There are a TON of resources here to understand and help abuse males recover and reclaim their lives.

For me, The trauma theory has helped light the way to recovery and understanding how much of my life and sexuality were affected by the abuse.
That and he 12 steps have been foundational to my life today.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#405963 - 08/06/12 03:21 AM Re: Cycle of Abuse [Re: thrifty]
Publius Offline

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
I assume the inappropriate thoughts you speak of are related to sexual attraction to younger boys and girls. Sometimes survivors believe they will become abusive themselves even though they are not sexually attracted to children. The anxiety is very real and fueled by a negative self-image that feels irreparably attached to and affected by the abuse. Other times, children grow up to become adults who are, in fact, attracted to children. It is a tragedy but it does happen. The good thing here is he has admitted it to you and recognizes it as a problem.

I am not a professional so I certainly cannot dispense any clinical advice. However, as an amateur study on CSA and its related symptoms I might suggest reminding him that his attraction to children is not an orientation like heterosexuality/homosexuality/bisexuality but rather a mental disorder imposed upon him by his abuse that can be treated and eventually controlled at no expense to his health or happiness.

The book I ordered a month ago on the subject is Treating Sex Offenders: A Guide to Clinical Practice With Adults, Clerics, Children, and Adolescents​ by William E. Prendergast. I am hoping it is as informative the reviews say on Amazon but that is left to be determined. It is unfortunate that so little research has gone into stopping child abuse at its root cause.

I know you already know this but make sure to maintain an error of objectivity and comfort regarding the subject or else he may withdraw, which is counter-productive in the most extreme order. Lastly, and you know this already better than I, but if he discloses any abusive activity it is your duty to report him. Based on my research (Conversations with a Pedophile, Men Who Rape, Predators: Pedophiles, rapists, Other Sex Offenders, Unspeakable Acts: Why Men Sexually Abuse Children) once these guys commit themselves through action to their mental disorder they are much more difficult to treat. Whether we believe it is because they feel compelled to normalize their dysfunctional behavior or the act itself is so evil they become permanently disfigured psychologically is left for better minds than myself to decide and address appropriately.

Good luck and thank you for your continued efforts to heal all mental wounds be they from CSA or otherwise!

Edited by Publius (08/06/12 03:22 AM)
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

#405972 - 08/06/12 08:03 AM Re: Cycle of Abuse [Re: thrifty]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi thrifty

I to had inappropriate thoughts, when I discovered that I was a survivor, I realized where these thoughts came from. The Myth that is out there that is repeated ad-nausea, "A victim of abuse will go on to be an abuser"
This so called "fact" played on my mind all my life, so much so that I was afraid to touch or be with my daughter alone.

Fact is that I was not and I am not an abuser, I am a victim of a myth generated by people that have no clue or worse still do not actually have the courage to face up to the dirty secret of male sexual abuse victims.
As long as your client has not perpetrated on another child, he is welcome to come and discuss his feelings with us.
It is a kind of Group therapy, and in these circumstances Group is one of the best kinds, in conjunction with one on one of course.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#405975 - 08/06/12 08:33 AM Re: Cycle of Abuse [Re: thrifty]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
There is an article on "Breaking the Cycle" that is on the website:

Hope this helps.
Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#405976 - 08/06/12 08:49 AM Re: Cycle of Abuse [Re: thrifty]
thrifty Offline

Registered: 08/05/12
Posts: 2
Thank you for being open and sharing information with me. I ordered that book for my kindle and even in the little bit of reading I've done so far I see it will be very helpful.

Thank you for the professional advice it is easy to forget things like you mention.

Thanks for the link to the article. I am also a survivor so I am finding all this information helpful both from a professional and personal standpoint.


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