I recently read a thread titled My Cousin
This is almost identical to what happened to me. I spent alot of time at my grandparents house, and my mother has a big family. From the age of about 7 to 12 I was abused by my female cousin at my grandmothers house.
Statements like "All I knew was she, my cousin, did things that no one else did, and for some reason, I couldn't tell anyone." Sum it up so perfectly, and I have been searching for that way of saying it out loud. I still cannot even think about it without tearing up and feeling an overwhelming depression, but I know I'm healing. For almost 20 years I avoided any close relationships/friendships.
Since I've admitted and faced what happened to me I have an been able to have get engaged to an amazing woman who is the only person other then my former therapist who I was able to tell about this. She has shown me that I can love someone, and also be loved.
Sometimes, I have bad days, and I can't perform sexually, I'm only a year into this process and have to accept and move past setbacks, and each time I do, I feel more empowered, and the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter. This will not be an easy journey, but each day I stay on path my life improves. It helps to know I'm not alone, and to anyone out there who feels they are...you're not, and you don't have to deal with it alone.