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#454211 - 11/18/13 11:57 AM Re: No desire to have sex with my wife... [Re: Shields]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline

Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 178
Loc: Quebec-Canada
Hi Shields,

First i want to wish you a very Happy birtday. To try to help you and share things whit you, I am also in the same situation as you I do want to have sex but can't. I honestly think it is because of my abuse. I know for a reason i am scare to have sex. I also have a very suportive wife. She as also her frustrations, but we manage to have sex. I would like to offer you my hand.

By the way recently i suggest we go my wife and me to get help.

Take care,

I like crying under the rain, because no one knows I hurt.


#513867 - 07/27/17 07:47 PM Re: No desire to have sex with my wife... [Re: Shields]
jlc Offline

Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 5
Loc: Pennsylvania
I recognize that I'm a little late to this discussion, but better late than never. I too feel the same way. Been married for 13 months. Started out having sex with the wife but after about 5 months it happened, the triggers. You see I was victimized by my older female cousin. Sexually I've always had sex with men from my twenties on up. I realize now that I don't enjoy sex with women at I'm married. Of course it is causing great pressure in the relationship and yes she knows of my abuse and past sex with men. I feel stuck because while I've always had attraction to women, I never pondered the reason why I never really thought about them sexually. I just thought my approach was different from normal guys. For me it was normal in how I approached them. My attraction was always from the heart. Now I see that the reason I didn't think about them sexually is because I didn't want them sexually. NOw I'm in a messed up situation.

#514008 - 07/31/17 05:40 AM Re: No desire to have sex with my wife... [Re: Shields]
CelloL Offline

Registered: 07/20/17
Posts: 107
Loc: Missouri
I posted something a little similar to some of these issues in the thread "Ashamed of My Birthday Suite". I love my wife, but I dread s/x and when it's successful I often have physical pain. The act has failed even with Viagra, and I'm wondering if abuse issues as well as health issues are getting in the way. I have to focus hard and my wife has learned if she brings up anything off track of what we're doing, the lovemaking is destroyed. Supposedly, guys frequently think about s/x but I rarely do. I also have tended to think of people without s/x organs, so to think that I do has made me feel dirty and I have wished I could have the part amputated. Although, come to think of it, that would present a problem for my wife.

Often my wife has health problems or my son is awake so that reduces the chances of anything happening. I can't say I have no desire, but there is a lot that gets in the way.

#514014 - 07/31/17 02:31 PM Re: No desire to have sex with my wife... [Re: Shields]
greenwizard Offline

Registered: 02/11/17
Posts: 497
Loc: PA
I think I've wrote before that I was very shy about sex for a while. I had been dating my fiancee for about a month and had showed no interest in sex, and she was beginning to wonder about me. She tried to seduce me and it really freaked me out. I ended up sitting her down and explaining everything to her.

Lucky for me she understood. It took a few months before I was ready. And then I had to initiate. I always had to initiate. I have a sex drive, but more often than not I chose to take care of it myself, which frustrated her. But we kept the lines of communication very open.

For me, things got better as I got comfortable with her. She also found little passive ways to do some seducing that didn't bother me so much. I explained to her that to me sex is very emotional. It's about as personal as you can get. With time and talking honestly and working on things we've gone from sex about once a month to about twice a week.

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