it's a tremendous step that you have taken, and I am sure continue to take on a daily basis, dealing with these "horrors".
I am 44 years old currently, and I went through my first months of actual sexual abuse therapy starting July of last year.
I want to identify with you on the feeling of "and from the moment i get out of the car to the moment im in it, i feel every single eye ripping through me," as you stated regarding how you feel as you attend school. I don't mean to make this long, but that feeling is so alive yet in my life. BUT since therapy I have understood how to handle it because my therapist helped me break down what wasn't my fault, that is didn't start as something I wanted, and having her believe in me changed me so much. She truly believed in me, and believed what I went through. This is empowering. The trauma your mind has experienced is what does this to you, and it is real, it hurts! I think one of your victories is going to come with strength and empowerment as you are able to find that only you really know your story and those you share it with. And here is should be safeguarded. This is your private matter. Know that people here do care and that feeling can go away. I am at the point that it is becoming a non threatening issue in my life. I want to encourage you at 18 years of age to boldly keep going forward for what you desire, because you have your whole life ahead of you and so much more you can overcome and learn to enjoy. I am also here to share in your pain and your healing.
If you need anything let me know.
*Just to clarify, when I discuss your story being something only you know---others around you don't know, so they can't "read" you or "read through you"; I believe this is a truth we need to be encouraged to embrace. Your mind needs to be able to come to a place of "peace", so you can be free from those horrible memories.
Edited by peacemaker67 (07/28/12 09:55 AM)
-Love is love when it is free; love is love when others don't feed on you as a "need". If we reach one person with betterment, and in turn that one reaches another, what power we have to change the world."