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#405079 - 07/28/12 11:21 AM Bad Habits
Dar Offline

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
It has taken me some time to get over, or not to do things that I had done for so many years to calm my thoughts or fears of my past.
Basicly, addictions of masterbation, acting out, drinking and the list goes on and on.
i think that i have done okay with replacing these compulsive feelings and thoughts with other things. Like work, home repairs, fixing up old motorcycles, ect ect.

My question is, Have I just traded off one obsession for another?
What happens when I have nothing to do after a while to keep my hands and mind busy?
Have any of you gone through this?

All I ever wanted was a hug.

#405084 - 07/28/12 12:38 PM Re: Bad Habits [Re: Dar]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
What happens when I have nothing to do after a while to keep my hands and mind busy?

This is a really big question, Dar. This is of interest to me personally, as the weekend of recovery helped me to slow down so much, I could take a really deep look at me. What I saw was overwhelming, and a trip I hope every survivor can make.

I know of men who are very busy, very motivated, involved and invested. These men are the first ones to help out, volunteer, are the leaders of the community and they seem to be generous, well rounded guys. The men, and women, are the "doers". They cook, clean, organize. They are impulsive, impetuous and actionable. They can be offensive, but can hide this with self depreciating humor, and they are all driven.

The truth is in a word, compulsive. These men are compulsively working to keep out of their own heads. Lack of appreciation from their fathers, a harsh or demanding mother, having to care for siblings or just plain dissociating from trauma as a youth.

What you may need Dar, and this is only a suggestion, is a Weekend of Recovery. Until then, may I suggest? There is a wonderful 15 minute relaxation exercise that gets a "body" in tune with their "body". It begins with a relaxed position, then breathing followed by stretching to find areas of tension, followed by visualization. I have followed this routine for years, and I have offered it to the very men you have described here. The results were interesting. Most could not finish the exercise, they became agitated and restless. Some would not even consider it.

If you want to slow down in a guided, safe way, this is it. PM me and I will link you to this free video. This is an important step in recovery, I feel. Taking stock of who you are, as an individual. Just you, unencumbered. For decades survivors have always had the best interest of others ahead of themselves and therefore the greatest acting out to compensate for those imbalanced feelings. The trick is to be balanced, to be self reliant and committed to the obligations we have. Then we become responsible and carry out our responsibilities with a fuller sense of accomplishment and personal worth.

Please use or discard this at your discretion,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#405110 - 07/28/12 03:33 PM Re: Bad Habits [Re: Dar]
chambers Offline

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 118
Loc: VA
Dar, I've pretty much done the same thing. Maybe we just need to stop and get in touch with ourselves. I was doing yoga which kind of sounds like the exercise Sam describes. Sam I'm interested in the link as well.

#405120 - 07/28/12 05:00 PM Re: Bad Habits [Re: Dar]
nltsaved Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 936
Loc: Kc,Mo
My question is, Have I just traded off one obsession for another?

I am an addict and the first thing we do as addicts is admit to is the fact that we are addicts . That being said you can realize recognize and analyze this truth . You have done that . In recovery I have learned that we have to replace one bad habit with another good habit. This is going to happen one way or the other the question is will you replace it with another bad habit that is the question you should be asking yourself . Is the habit I am replacing is it self destructive is it negative or is it positive.

We will replace it with something . Just move on to the next project discover things about yourself this is the part in recovery that is cool . You get to figure out things about yourself things you could not because you were to occupied doing self destructive behaviors. You can find out things that you otherwise would have never figured out . Pick up new hobbies playing acoustic guitar maybe ,working out ,playing video games , who knows the sky is the limit as long as you can find something to enjoy and we do not know what we do and do not like until we try it .

There is always a chance that we will turn what ever it is we find to replace a self destructive behavior into another self destructive behavior . The key to this is recognizing it owning it and choosing to back off and access the situation and figure out if it is wise to continue . Learning and growing from mistakes learning and growing in this thing called life , evolving . There is not a set way of living everyone has to figure things out for themselves that is a huge problem thinking that there is a set way that works for everyone . This works for me does not necessarily mean it will work for everyone . Pick what you think can work try it if it does not work move on . Get advice from others there is not a set way of doing things that works for everyone . Take a little from everyone figure out if any of it is right for you if not move on
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
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