Go figure I always seem to end up in a discussion with you guys ;-)
Like my friend in Mississippi, didn't have a name for it, but was smitten with my classmate Gary in 5th grade and that went on thru high school. Tried to fight my gayness in my 20s so I could be "normal" and accepted...but still slipped out to the gay bars. I never thought of it this way, but yeah, my "straightness" might have had something to do with the SA when I was 15-16. But not my gayness. Already "knew" I was gay. Food for thought.
Came out in my late 20s - as much as I could - because I found a bunch of amazing friends in my ACoA meetings, one of whom remains a best friend nearly 3 decades later. And, fortunately, I live in a heavily gay community today. Wouldn't have it any other way. To me, living openly is perfectly natural.
Accessing/maintaining feelings of love? That's the tough one - hate it when you do that to me bodyguard. No romantic relationships, or desire for any, in years. Even expressing to my bff I love him is sometimes uncomfortable.
I sometimes feel as if I'm missing that intimacy, but my comfort zone - a lot of it because of having been raised an only child - is that I prefer my own company to that of others. For one, I don't have to be "on". Strange that some people are envious of that. Seems no big deal to me.