This was inspired by another thread "Part of me is Dead." created by CloudyFalls
Growing up, I thought parts of me were dead. I knew I was missing out too. I knew I was inherently missing something, something that everyone else obviously had. I became very angry and hated myself. I became angry at life itself.
After several bouts of suicidal ideation, and after 18 years of therapy, and 8 years of 12 step program, I stumbled apon realizing that I was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
I've traveled a little bit down the path of recovery and healing, and now I see that the part I thought was dead was in fact comatose. As in, a coma.
The science behind coma: When someone is in a coma, it is most likely because there was brain trauma. Going into coma is a response to trauma.
I think it is beneficial to think the same way about psychological trauma like CSA. The parts of us that were traumatized become comatose. They freeze and cease to grow and develop with the rest of our psyche. The result is distorted psychological development. Parts of the psyche become comatose after the abuse, and we grow up with psychological distortion. As a result, we see ourselves as inherently defective, broken, and irreparable.
The self defeatist thinking, as well as the self hatred is a function of that distortion.
Our challenge is to overcome that juggernaut of psychological dysfunction. When on the deliberate path towards healing, we slowly become more and more aware, we wake up the comatose parts that had been dormant since childhood.
That's why many (including myself) have commented on reconnecting to the "child within". It's the comatose part waking up and attempting to rejoin the rest of "our" psyche. It's a remarkable experience to have.
I wonder what parallels there are to waking up parts of our dormant psyche and to the mystical 'awakening' that spiritual people describe?