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#405670 - 08/03/12 01:56 AM Re: How do I regain control of life? [Re: Chase Eric]
Steve0123 Offline

Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
used to be very self-analytical, but - paradoxically - the way I found myself was by focusing outside.

...can you elaborate Eric? What do you mean you focused on the outside?

#405677 - 08/03/12 04:02 AM Re: How do I regain control of life? [Re: TMC]
Tyler845 Offline

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
And Angels To Carry Your Loft- To Dance With The Stars. '

Cheers TMC.

Everything you've said I could've said. The distorted thinking, e negative self image, All things I had in spades when first coming to the site. The blessing of MS and it's members continues to be a positive source that has changed is changing my life completely. In the e beginning, the best advice I got has already been shared by Magellan, or perhaps it was traveler, who earlier in your read said to take it easy on yourself for now. The beginning can be EXTREMELY rocky emotionally, as I'm sure you're already well aware. Congratulations on being courageous enough to come into the light. Sending respect and admiration your way.

Be well bro '
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

#405723 - 08/03/12 07:53 PM Re: How do I regain control of life? [Re: Tyler845]
Letourski Offline

Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
I read your first post and it was like looking into a mirror. I can relate to so much of what you wrote. My heart felt heavy as I read your entry. I have been moving along the path of recovery for about 5 years now, and it feels endless it seems. I have learned that I cannot control the tides of life, but I can become comfortable with uncertainty.

Am I there yet? Hell no I am not. My mother was highly unpredictable emotionally in the early years of my life, and the abuse shattered my notion of safety. I do analyze others and spend more time thinking about life than actually living. But I can't stay sober (sexual acting out via porn and chats) long enough to feel there is any real meaning to relationships. I struggle with emotions because I have never really allowed myself to have them. It was always easier to be cold and clinical. People can't touch you that way.

I have felt like a shell the way you described. Like a collection of skin and bones wandering through life aimlessly without any real sense of purpose. Like I am not connected to any real meaning. I know that feeling very well. I have been trying to figure it all out, but the truth is I struggle to gain control over my behavior and my emotions so I am not in a position to figure anything else. I am oblivious even to myself and my machinations.

I relate to what you wrote with striking accuracy. We walk the same path my friend. May you find that inner peace you seek. Heal well brother.

I am the warrior.

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