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#404440 - 07/23/12 07:27 AM Hey everyone
theIrregular Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 52
Loc: Canada
Hello all,

Like most new comers to this site, I have been an anonymous user of these forums for a while. I finally gathered up the courage to register and will make a post(sometime in the future) to speak about my abuse and difficulties.

I'm 26 and at the moment, I am at a terrible place in my life. I have no friends, no real education (dropped out of university), unemployed for about 3yrs (have been salvaging a 2yr college diploma in a field that I have no interest to work in, while staying with my parents); got a loving family whose patience is wearing thin.

I cannot, in true honesty, say that my present condition is a direct after-effect of my abuse. I have made some pretty bad choices that are the direct causes. I am an avoidant who turns to addiction every time he has an unmanageable emotion. Most of the time I feel like a failure at life and for a lack of a better word, loser, especially when I look at the people around. Things seem to come so much easier for every one else around me (hope this doesn't come across as whining. I genuinely feel emotionally handicapped to deal with life). I have been stuck in a rut for a few years now.

I am reluctant to go see a therapist now (no finance, still living with parents. don't want them finding out about abuse), but will do so at some point in the future. I'm hoping that I can start taking charge of my feelings by writing on these forums and receiving feedback from others who wrestle with similar issues.

P.S. I apologize if this is long for an intro. I just had to get it out.

#404441 - 07/23/12 08:20 AM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1155
Loc: michigan
hey man don't sound so irregular to me. i think you might attribute more to the abuse then you know,cause what you have said sounds very familiar to me. trying to carry the load alone is way too tough man so glad you decided to join us here. sounds like you will find a LOT of common ground.
be good to yourself
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#404446 - 07/23/12 11:23 AM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi theIrregular

Welcome to the Forum and I hope that you will not hide from your healing any longer.
The first step is always the hardest, now that's done, begin healing and enjoy life.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#404451 - 07/23/12 12:12 PM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5972
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
Hello fellow survivor, and welcome. I am encouraged by your vocalization of the issues present in your life, it shows a willingness to confront the issues, to heal and support yourself.

You mention you are reluctant to tell, to disclose to your parents about the abuse. May I offer? Ken Singer has a wonderful guide to confrontation and disclosure, and how a survivor can use these two to garner support for the recovery.

Please continue to share with us here in MaleSurvivor, as Martin says, to "begin healing and enjoy life", that is the new path. It may not feel like it at the moment, but relief and understanding are coming,

MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#404496 - 07/23/12 07:52 PM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Ohio
Thanks for your intro, theirregular. Glad you're here.

#404538 - 07/24/12 12:28 AM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
theIrregular Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 52
Loc: Canada
newground, you might be right in saying that I 'might attribute more to the abuse than I know'. I have been reading Mike Lew's Victims No Longer and I am beginning to realize that parts of me, which I have always thought to be personality traits might actually be coping strategies that I have developed long ago.

Sam, thanks for the link. I have read the article on Disclosure. I'm not ready just yet. At the moment, I just want to feel well in my own skin.

Thanks for welcoming me everyone. I appreciate the kind words.

#404572 - 07/24/12 05:27 AM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2242
Hi TheIrregular,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

You are not whining.

Things do seem to come easier to others than it does for us. And it is not for a lack of trying. Quite the opposite, actually. We try extremely hard and yet we seem not to succeed, at least not to the extent/ degree to which we think we should be succeeding.

That can change, especially with the help of a good therapist. So can the choices we make or the need to numb ourselves to the emotions we feel.

If you choose to see a therapist at some point, you parents do not need to know why. If you are not ready to tell them it is becuase of the abuse(s) you endured, you can tell them it is to help you make healthier choices, etc. There are many reasons why someone chooses to see a therapist.

We face a lot of challenges that others do not. That is not a rationalization or an excuse, just a statement of fact.

I hope you can see your decision to post here as the big step it is and that you recognize the courage it took for you to post. There are many who come here who are never able to take that big step.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#405062 - 07/28/12 04:36 AM Re: Hey everyone [Re: theIrregular]
peacemaker67 Offline

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 45
Loc: WI
You are not alone in wanting to make sure family doesn't find out...I understand that and support it as a virtue from my perspective...that is a hard place to be...

-Love is love when it is free; love is love when others don't feed on you as a "need". If we reach one person with betterment, and in turn that one reaches another, what power we have to change the world."


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