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#404374 - 07/22/12 06:39 PM Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope
Haps Offline

Registered: 07/06/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
Hey, gang! Quick and simple here.... Has anyone managed to piece things back together in their relationships? I'm so not proud of how I treated him. Resentful of how he's treated me. Separated and hopeful, but need some stories of hope here. smile

#404385 - 07/22/12 08:27 PM Re: Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope [Re: Haps]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5972
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA

Hope cometh! Ours was a struggle for the ages! I was such a selfish, inconsiderate, entitled... BOY that I really tested the limits of our marriage. I was triggered from sibling rivalry, incest, physical abuse and my own acting out that I carried shame, resentment and anger in the same sentence at times! The arguments we used to have was the stuff of soap operas and automobile accidents!

My wife, the love of my life was contentious, passive aggressive, sexually abused herself and dealing with a physical disability. She had a "proximal loyalty", where whomever she closest to, her parents, our children or herself, she would please them no matter what her and I agreed to in confidential talk.

What I found, Haps, was that while she was sometimes crude and insensitive, I was wrong, and that is what recovery taught me. The more I changed, the more I became loving, considerate, patient and responsive, the less her negative traits manifest themselves, and she became more loyal, more trusting. She felt a great deal of shame and embarrassment at first, but we are healing from the chaos I contributed to in our relationship.

Twenty three years Haps. 23 years and for the last three, it has been the best it has ever been. We have been separated and angry with terrible words to each other, argued in front of the kids and slammed too many doors to count, but I would experience them everyday again so that I could hold her hand and gaze into those adoring eyes. I do not need to, but that is the reverence I hold for her that wakes with me every morning, works by my side and falls asleep on my shoulder every night.

MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#404399 - 07/22/12 11:30 PM Re: Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope [Re: Haps]
Haps Offline

Registered: 07/06/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
Sam, that's beautiful! Thanks so much for sharing that. Greatly relieved right now. More importantly, I feel better working on myself knowing that I'm headed in a good direction. Hopefully with the guy I adore and married. smile

#404735 - 07/25/12 12:52 PM Re: Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope [Re: Haps]
Haps Offline

Registered: 07/06/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
Anyone else???

Anyone interested in tapping a survivor friend from the other areas to add maybe?? smile wink

#404770 - 07/25/12 06:45 PM Re: Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope [Re: Haps]
Valkyrie Offline

Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 167
Nothing to offer, but hopeful some other people write in...could use the hope myself...

#404782 - 07/25/12 08:54 PM Re: Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope [Re: Haps]
Sailor John Offline

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Haps,

Because I never married, I'll tell my story quick. I've always had a large personal space I made sure to keep. Lately, after an outburst with family members, I've noticed that very slowly I'm letting that personal space get smaller. That took over 40 years.

Keep up the hope and good luck with everything.
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.


#404790 - 07/25/12 11:54 PM Re: Partners Treamtment of Eachother - Needing Hope [Re: Haps]
Disappointed Offline

Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 542
Loc: U.S.A.
Well, okay, nobody would think this is great shakes but me: I've known my friend, the reason I'm here, for about 3.5 years. He's just a friend, but this year, he's told me more and more of what he really thinks. That's it.

But it's something.... I like it....

He's still not showing up, but I'm beginning to think he will in a month or so. Long story... :^)))


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