it seems that you are very strong willed person if you already quit on porn, I've been struggling with it for a while without much success - you deserve congratulations for that!
Please don't be hard on yourself - I'm referring here on your last couple of sentences about trying to be good and reacting to what happened.
I've read recently in book Victims no longer (I would highly recommend it) that many survivors are perfectionist - insightful people who sometimes like to put perfectionism against themselves. I've found myself there. I've always been lost in thoughts what is happening inside and around me, where that could lead me and what I can do to be better. Would I be different if my past was easier?
I don't know. I just know that I have to accept it in full light, it impacted me and it is impossible to pretend that nothing happened. I'm fragile sometimes, I'm struggling sometimes, I'm lost sometimes and finally I can accept that I'm like that sometimes and that is normal. I'm trying hard to keep balance and every day is fight.
I found of great help reading this note from MS when I came here couple of months ago, especially I like those affirmations that can help us to break negative self image and accept our abuse: http://www.malesurvivor.org/docs/FirstStepstoGetHelp.doc
I hope this would be helpful.
Keep sharing with us!