Newest Members
jake1985, cactus8, Neil Benesh, blazzeee, mmm coffee
13531 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
isol8er (46), omrfople (41), zookeeper (54)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 75 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,531 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,387 Topics
491,556 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#403752 - 07/16/12 07:11 AM Overly concerned about others opinions
Afldman Offline

Registered: 07/12/12
Posts: 67
Loc: Pacific Northwest
I have always been overly concerned about the opinion of others. Long before my CSA occurred. Actually, I'm starting to think I survived through two totally separate, but equally damaging, abuses. I haven't told my story here yet. I'm still apprehensive about doing so. Especially considering it is available to the general public. Perhaps I'll become a paying member and post behind that firewall...

But I wander...this is about my concerns of others opinion, or their perception. The other day my wife, daughter and I were in a nice store and I saw a pendant that I liked. It was a patron saint for travelers (no, not St Christopher.) Since i travel for a living this seemed apropos. And I thought maybe it would look ok on me, even though I've never worn necklaces.

When I broached the subject with my wife, I did so very timidly, concerned what she would think of it. Plus, being in a store I was concerned with anyone else who might over hear. But instead, she said it would be great for another person who is trying to go into the military, and therefore would be traveling a lot also.

Needless to say, my apprehension wouldn't allow me to simply state that I was thinking of it for! That would be too easy. I had to pout.

Well, thanks for reading one guy's woes...
"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." -Daliai Lama

#403760 - 07/16/12 09:38 AM Re: Overly concerned about others opinions [Re: Afldman]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2688
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Afldman.

this sounds extremely familiar. Quite often I've been felt myself so completely worried about the opinions of others I've literally not wanted to leave the house or speak to anyone, sinse I'm convinced other people are always thinking I'm uggly, I'm stupid etc.

The only good news is, I've found myself that I was able to listen to those sorts of thoughts less as I continued recovery. now, I regard any bad opinion I have of myself as extremely suspect. I know! I am not a good judge of myself, or able to correctly evaluate anything I do, so i try not to listen to those opinions, to take no account of them, just as I would take no account of the opinions of any heavily prejudiced person.

This has not been an easy process though, and it certainly got worse before it gets better, nor am I completely rid of it now.

the first step however was talking on this sight and sharing my experiences, sinse while all experiences of abuse are different, a lot of the feelings and thoughts are the same, and there are a lot of extreme wise and compassionate people here who can both understand and offer good advice and support.

Share what you want and feel you need to on this site, thoughts, feelings, and your story when and if you wish, sinse that is what it is here for.

However, please don't be inhibited by the worries about public opinion. Ms exists for one reason, helping men recover from any form of sexual abuse, no matter who they are, where from or what their story is, so acceptance is very much the order of the day.

What you share about yourself is very much your own business, your story, your location in the world etc, so you are always the person in control of that.

As regards public viewing of this site, well generally the only "public" who will be viewing this are "public" who are interested in recovering from, or learning about male sa anyway, thus to a very great extent your not sharing with anyone outside the community itself.

I really hope you find ms as helpful in your journey of recovery as I have.


#403786 - 07/16/12 03:24 PM Re: Overly concerned about others opinions [Re: Afldman]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Sexual assault has a way of stripping a man or boy of his dignity and self-esteem. Then it reprograms his own self-image.

We find it hard to recapture self-confidence and self-worth. Not impossible, but challenging.


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.