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#437004 - 06/05/13 06:47 PM Re: Speaking in Tongues [Re: Becoming Other]
Becoming Other Offline

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 154
Loc: follow early Alice Miller, Del...
Thanks to victor-victim for the words of encouragement.

There is still a little bit more evidence I have to write to the DA about, in a follow up.

I'm going to conclude with this:

If this defendant were to go unpunished, than that would mean that more people would be able to harm a child of their own, and then blame it on the child. They will use a child to give themselves social legitimacy, so that they donít have to face the ways that they have been harmed and stigmatized. Then when this no longer works, they will demonize the child. So if this defendant were to go unpunished, then we would have more alcoholics, more drug addicts, more people on psychiatric medication, and more people who believe that they have an innate moral defect and need Salvation. Most of all, if this defendant were to go unpunished, we would have more people having children just so that they can use them."

Becoming Other

Freedom to Express

Gimme Shelter

#437149 - 06/06/13 07:40 PM Re: Speaking in Tongues [Re: Becoming Other]
Becoming Other Offline

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 154
Loc: follow early Alice Miller, Del...

I take particular note of your name. I too have juxtaposed the words victor and victim. I say, Victory not Victimhood! I say this because I've never gone along with the concept of "survivor". People will say things like, "I used to be a victim. I could not function. But now I have gotten my life together, so I am a survivor."

I cannot agree with this perspective. Inscribing a child with the self-reliance ethic is the primary claim to authority for the Family System. It's just a continuation of the primitive socius which inscribes with sharp stones and hot coals. The bourgeois family inscribes by withholding approval, and sometimes by physical, psychological, and sexual abuse.

The mother in this Christian Fundamentalist Case has not herself been charged. She is unhappy with her husband because he has not been bringing home the bacon and they have been living off the equity in their home by refinancing it. They may lose their home and they may still have a mountain of debt. This is her primary concern. She is not bothered by his sexual fondling of their daughters. She stands with her husband and is calling the girls liars. These are religious conservatives and so keeping up appearances is everything. She expects her daughters to accept this.

The most serious accusations against the defendant are coming from the eldest daughter. But this eldest daughter is also the one who has been the most harmed. She is the one of the three girls who most strongly believes in the self-reliance ethic. Though still in her early 20's, she is already married and her life revolves around the accumulation of wealth and property. While her testimony against her father is compelling, the Defense position is that her real objective is simply to throw her father under the bus, and then rescue her mother from this financial failure. This girl does seem blind as the the shortcomings of her mother, and it does seem like her anger against her father is in part because he does not bring home the bacon.

The mother's parents do not condone the molestations, but they also seem to be primarily offended because they see the defendant as a screwball, as someone who does not do what he should be doing, bringing home the bacon.

I'm convinced that one of the reasons it is so hard for adult children to sue their parents for damages is simply because most everybody is so much like their parents. So it will always sound like each side is accusing the other for failing to measure up to the same set of standards.

So if your parents and our society have convinced you that you must rely on yourself, that no one owes you anything, that you must learn personal responsibility, and that you must get your life together and prove that you are able to earn a living, then they have already won and you are a dog licking the hand that beats it.

So I don't see any advantage in being a survivor instead of a victim. At least with a victim, there is some chance that the victim might eventually fight back. But a survivor never will, they will practice Live and Let Live and Self-Reliance. They will denigrate anyone who still wants to fight back. So please, don't ever think of me as a Survivor.

If parents are unwilling to be honest about the choices they have in life, and instead try to hide and stay in denial, live in Bad Faith, and have children in order to give themselves defensible social identity, then the child will have to pay in every single way possible for what the parent's have given up. The child is being used. They are feeding off of the child. Eventually this will errupt in open animostity. The child carries the hopes and dreams of the parents, but it is also the child whom the parents scar in order to be able to stay in denial.

We need to learn to recognize this animosity and its origins. We need to protect children from being used in this manner.

If a child has been used in this way, they have then been so violated that their social and civil standing are irreparably compromised. You cannot just excise this like it were just bad memories or bad feelings. What has been done can never be undone. But social and civil standing can be reclaimed by finding comrades and fighting back. A Survivor would never do this. But a Victim who seeks Victory would. Social and civil standing are never going to be regained by confessing on the couch or by punching pillows. They are regained by forming a mobile band and vanquishing foes.

Becoming Other

"A paranoid is one who knows the facts."
William S. Burroughs


#437442 - 06/08/13 05:26 PM Re: Speaking in Tongues [Re: Becoming Other]
Becoming Other Offline

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 154
Loc: follow early Alice Miller, Del...
More about victims and survivors:

When I was in high school they brought in an elderly man who had been interned in the Nazi death camps as a teenager. Two of his toes had turned black from frost bite and so he had had to amputate them with a pair of scissors.

He was a survivor though because he had made his peace. He accepted the world as it was, and he was not fighting to change it. He saw what had happened as a risk which is always there, but not something worth fighting to change. Very few holocaust survivors have ever sought compensation.

Alice Miller survived the Warsaw ghetto. She was not longer at war. She had made her peace. She didn't even seem to think much of the ghetto uprising.

They say that during the last years of his life, in exile in England, Freud was really depressive.

Not everyone was like this. There had been prewar Zionists who were fighting to establish a Jewish homeland. Not all of them were even religious. But they wanted a homeland, even if the environment were hostile. They knew that if they were to have it, then they would have to fight for it.

You will see the juxtaposition of Victim and Survivor many places. Its in books, its in the main promo video for the Jeff Anderson and Associates law firm in Minnesota, and its really strong on a particular forum in the UK.

Usually the transition from victim to survivor is presented as the central component of being able to live a healthy and successful life. Supposedly one is gaining a certain amount of perspective and distance. But also, one becomes part of the world as it is, and as we are expected to be. If fighting were a direction one could have gone, that juncture is now past. One is no longer suffering. People who are not suffering are not likely to want to fight.

It's in seeing someone who juxtaposes the words victim and victory in his online handle, that I have come to think about this more. Survivors are presented as people whose lives are in order. They are doing what they are supposed to be doing, and they gain peace and acceptance because of this. A survivor may see shortcomings in their parents, but they don't see there as being something so fundamentally wrong with our society that it is worth fighting over. Though they may see their parents as has having shortcomings and they may find fault with their methods, they have still submitted to the basic premises that Self-Reliance and Live and Let Live are not optional.

I am not a survivor. I do not accept Self-Reliance or Live and Let Live. I am a victim who is finding ways to fight back and I will not stop until I have victory. I look for places where I can strike. This is why I inserted myself, with zero invitation of any type, into this Christian Fundamentalist molestation case. I want nothing to do with commiserators and collaborators. I seek comrades who also want to make strikes.

Becoming Other

Episodes 6 thru 10

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