Published 2011 by Free Press, the SOURCE is a memoir by a young woman who seeks solace from her childhood sexual abuse in the great wildernesses of Alaska and the West. Her step-father and abuser also shares her love for hiking and camping and she agrees to go on one last trip with him as an adult. Tracy takes the reader through a winding trail of bad personal relationships and bad decisions as she recedes deeper into the bush. She is physically and emotionally hiding. Her book is an account of those years and it ends back in the present, on the trail with her aging step-father. She is wondering if she loves him or if she wants to kill him.
The ending passages sum up many of the issues survivors grapple with. Tracy writes:
"Could I still forgive him? I moved past forgiveness into an acid understanding etched in pain. I had explored the perimeters of love, however warped, and saw that love could retain some value while wreaking destruction at the same time (pp 282)."
An excellent book for those of us who've found greater comfort among the trees than among other people.
Finding humor in the heartbreak