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#401824 - 06/26/12 10:24 PM Torture Fantasies Healthy? *trigger*
Thunder Offline

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 7
This topic is two-fold:

First Topic: Sex

I've noticed that when my fiance and I have sex, I have this feeling like I want to be tortured and when I think about it seems that if we do that, it would get my frustrations of what happened to me out(the vivid images are there and sometimes want to cry, like it gets that bad). I asked to try but he said no because he doesn't want me to think of him being an abuser. (His thoughtfulness is incredible :)). I guess I just wanted to find out if my want is a "normal" response to what happened? Im confused by it as it's a new feeling.

Second Topic: Literal Torture of Abusers

I just want to be real here. Is fantasizing over and over of torturing my abusers for what they did to me a common thing you guys deal with, or do I have to call a psychiatrist? I think it would be normal, I would never actually do it. But I do find satisfaction with fantasizing me punishing/torturing them. Like how it happened to me. (Not the sexual stuff; the physical stuff)

I feel ashamed for even feeling like I could think that of another person. But I was hurt deeply. And it makes me happy seeing them suffer. Does that make me a "bad" person. Yes, I used words like "normal" and "bad" but I didn't have any better adjectives.

#401858 - 06/27/12 04:08 AM Re: Torture Fantasies Healthy? *trigger* [Re: Thunder]
Letourski Offline

Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
I don't think it makes you a bad person at all. In fact, your anger is better directed at the abuser than yourrself that is for sure. My only concern is holding onto that image and giving the abuser space in your head. He doesn't deserve one minute of your attention. Not a single second. This is just my opinion, but if you are thinking of him in many ways he still has some hold of your emotions. And you my friend, deserve better than that a million times over. Heal well.
I am the warrior.

#401864 - 06/27/12 05:10 AM Re: Torture Fantasies Healthy? *trigger* [Re: Thunder]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

No, it does not make you a bad person.

I would guess that you went through some very rough stuff as a kid. You are probably dreaming about it too. If there's any way you could get some good EMDR therapy, it would probably put your mind at ease.


#402370 - 07/02/12 06:04 PM Re: Torture Fantasies Healthy? *trigger* [Re: Thunder]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 12:06 AM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED


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