The Top 7 Signs of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
by Dr. Robert Anthony
Are you being held back from success by self-defeating behaviors? Learn how to recognize and overcome them.
Having trouble reaching all your goals? Are you going for what you want, but feeling like something is road-blocking the way? Are you finding yourself "not" doing some of the things you know you should be doing?
You may be a victim of sabotage---self-sabotage. How do you know, and what can you do about it? Read on and see.
1. Focusing on what is not working, not right or missing from your life. Problem: Notice how often you speak about and think about what is not working, not right, or missing from your life. This only attracts more of the things you donít want. Action: Ask yourself a new question: "What's going right?" or "What IS working?" Begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence journal and each day write down everything, I do mean everything, that is working and you will attract more of what is working!
2. Being stuck in fear: Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no action because of fear of what might occur? Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We can't control or predict the future or other people's behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right now. Ask yourself the question "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then, let go and know that rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur. Take a moment to put things into perspective by writing down the things you can not change, the things you want change, and accept that the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you call it will take of the rest. It always does!
3. Feeling you have no value. Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If you obsess about the past or your lack of success or lack of achievement, then you'll be stuck in noticing how much you lack as a person. If you often criticize yourself or can't accept compliments, itís a definite sign that you have fallen into this trap. Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good and the things you can be proud of, no matter how small they may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for about YOU. When you hear your mind chattering about what you haven't done right or well, turn down the volume and turn up the volume to hear the voice that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to the world. Acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your small successes and accept the compliments others give you.
4. Comparing yourself to others. Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn't motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel we'll never be good enough and we aren't right now. Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least 25 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU.
5. Self-Sabotage Ė getting what you want and then losing it. Problem: Do you not believe that you deserve to have what you want? When you get what you want, why do you often lose it or mess it up? What is the true story underneath - maybe that you think aren't good enough to have it? Action: List all the things you have accomplished that faded away. Simply notice these things, but donít place any judgment on the fact they disappeared. How did they bring you satisfaction? How did they make you feel? What is the limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why you can't have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen to it. Write down how you felt when you had what you wanted. Write down how you feel now, without it. Then write a "bridge belief": A very, very small belief that feels a little bit better than what you now feel. Each week, create a new bridge belief, not matter how small, that you can really believe. By using these bridges as stepping-stones, you'll shift your limiting beliefs slowly and be on the other side of the bridge and able to maintain it because you will have a new belief inside of you.
6. You chase away relationships. Problem: Do you always feel something is missing in your relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is usually a fear of abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance yourself from others. Action: Create a list of the qualities you value in a relationship and the qualities you want to attract in your partners. Express what you want and don't want to the other person and allow them to express the same to you. Create time to acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice when you feel afraid. Don't try to push the feelings away. Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Then, in that moment, focus on what feels good about the relationship.
7. Having no purpose. Problem: Do you feel you have no purpose in life? We all have some purpose for being on the planet and it is time to notice yours. Action: Write down all the things that are important to you Ė the thing you want to create in your life. Then write out what you want to contribute to the world. From your writing, create a statement of purpose for yourself that you can read each and every day. Then stop worrying about not knowing your purpose and start creating what you desire now. It doesnít matter what you want in the future. So start creating something you want in your life NOW. This action will ultimately put you in alignment and bring you closer to your overall purpose.