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#4007 - 08/22/01 01:23 AM Possibly triggering. (sorry its just venting)
Christian Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/21/01
Posts: 26
Loc: Marion IN
Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't ask or I swear I'll tell you"? I feel like I just got into the that fight with the world.
Ever since I started on the road to healing myself and stuff I have wanted to work with peadophiles to help them stopo hurting themselves and others. Today I felt braver than normal so I took a virtual trip to see what was realy out there.
For somestrange reason I always had it in my mind that "they" hid in alleys wearing dark trench coats and concealing glasses. I thouhgt that they hid in darkness and only came out to feed. So, I thought when I went I would find all these hate pagees against peadophiles. Then I typed in and I found whole societies dedicated to it. I was in shock and horror to find out that they claimed it was healthy, and that it was NORMAL. I don't feel normal. Noone asked me if it was even okay that they even are still reconized as male. I could wade through one of their pages becoming so angering I started to cry. TRhen I came to this link that took me to I think a russian or ukrainian page. And I saw all these guys smiling haveing a good time. Thne another one off the picutres cam e through and it was this boy.
DAMNIT why don;t they stay in the shadows. And who gave them the right to exisit. Why? Why aren't people more angry about this? Why aren't people rioting becasue this exsistys. Why are they just ignorijng it. Then I saw that the ACLU even defended them. They siad it was there first amendment right to exsit. When the founders of thsi country said we have the right o assemble they didn't mean them surly. Then these guys on the website looked happy that there face was now there. I don't know what the page said, but its jsut thta they were so bold to say "Hay look at me I rape little boys and what are you goiugn to do?" Why is this the first I have heard of this. It should be blasted of the face of the earth. No one has the right. IM SO ANGRY!!!!!! Im so frustrated that people are doing nothing. Im mad that even now I can't stop crying.
The whole thing was NAMBLA (north american men boy laover assosiation (I think)
I guess anotehr thing that makes me so mad is that this is just the surface. What lies beneth? This is so public, I know that there is a dark side, but how deep does it go? Is there even a point to helping them?
The funny thing is is that the other day I was starting to have sympathy for some of them. Saying that is a sickness that they can't help, but the way they looked it makes me sick. they didn't look like they wanted help.
Ive got to go, it took me about an hour to write this and I feel so tired.
Good night God bless

This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.

#4008 - 08/22/01 04:34 AM Re: Possibly triggering. (sorry its just venting)
Harry Offline

Registered: 04/09/01
Posts: 143
Loc: California

I understand your hatred for NAMBLA completely. Everyone wants to feel normal, but when you want to fuck little boys and say that you are normal, you are in need of a bat to the head. I say this only to those who those people in NAMBLA who think that they have a right to do this kind of thing. Not all people who have an attraction to younger males are that deluded. For instance, read the posts under the topic, "need help dealing with myself". Also, read my first topic "anybody else got this problem" (its old but i bumped it up to the top). victims of male SA for some fucked up reason can get an attraction to boys. they don't ask for it. who would? please don't assume these people are the same as the people in NAMBLA who flaunt their sexual orientation to young males and defend it as completely normal. I am dealing with this damn atraction too. IT IS NOT NORMAL. IT IS NOT OK. IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. it's a curse, a demon, a torment. i didn't ask to feel this way. i would give anything to get rid of this. it makes me hate myself so intensely. god, i want to die everyday for how i feel. i can't fucking help it! every single time i see a boy, and get any arousal, i feel lower than shit. i feel like the most horrific, digusting, terrible thing on the face of the earth. i want to put a bullet through my head everytime i get a feeling like that. i just want you to know that not all people who have these feelings are like the shit-of-the-world people in NAMBLA. If they feel this way and feel no shame, they are the worst people on earth. if they do feel shame -- if they are plagued by self-loathing and intense feelings of guilt for how they feel, do not despise them. they need help, not hate. i am not like the people in NAMBLA. If there is one thing i am sure of, it is that I would kill myself the second i came anywhere close to acting on this damn attraction. if i could pick one word to personify me, it would be "shame". if i ever lose that shame, i become a monster.

to wrap it up, I WANT HELP. when you felt sorry for people going through this, it was not a bad thing. not everyone going through this are like the scum you find in NAMBLA and all those other internet sites. they don't want help because they have no shame and think they are normal. I am the epitimy of shame. I know what i feel is not normal -- it is despicable. I hate myself more than anything, and I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS. your sympathy for those who feel ashamed and want help is appreciated. I WANT HELP.

In the name of the Anger, and of the Sadness, and of the Unholy Fear. Amen.

#4009 - 08/22/01 12:14 PM Re: Possibly triggering. (sorry its just venting)
Christian Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/21/01
Posts: 26
Loc: Marion IN
Well, I have had a chance to sleep on it, and I must say that your post did help me. I want to appologize, I should of tried to be sensitive to others, I was jsut so angry. And honstly Im glad you feel horrible. I should say that Im not glad you feel bad, but that you still have a conscience enough to be able to stop yourslef. I hope you understand.
Does anyone know how long NABLA has exsisted? I just want to know. Btw if it matters to anyone, I haven't changed any of my future plans. If anything, this renforces what I want to do.

This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.

#4010 - 08/22/01 03:43 PM Re: Possibly triggering. (sorry its just venting)
Just Call me J Offline

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 204
Loc: Inland Empire, California
I know it existed at least as far back as 1988. One of my brother's friends used to joke with us about it (I was in jr high). It just seemed so absurd that such a thing would exist.

For my work, we had a training specifically for dealing with our kids that act out sexually. Included was a CNN special report on pedophilia and pedophiles. They had interviews with various people in differing stages of denial. The worst ones, as you said, were the NAMBLA members. They had absolutely no concept of the damage they do to these kids.

But they also spoke to one guy who was in prison, undergoing treatment for his sexual assault; and another who sounded a lot like Harry: he had feelings, but had never acted on them. Both of these guys realized the damage they had (or could) cause. And these guys get my sympathy. I hope they find a way to deal with their feelings so that no one else gets hurt.

Then, they also spoke with perpetrators who had been released from prison, as they lamented their lot, having to inform their neighborhoods. One of them made an interesting point, however. He claimed it was "unfair" because we don't expect convicted murderers to inform their neighborhoods upon THEIR release. Our choices to make this fair, is to either repeal Megan's Law, or make convicted murderers do the same. I'll go for the latter.

Anyway, I found it really sick, how the NAMBLA members spoke about how "beautiful" the relationship is with these kids; it sounded like the sort of thing you would hear any person in my field (working in group homes with abused kids) talking about how much they loved their job. That just made it... really twisted and sick.

What I wonder is, how do these NAMBLA fucks stay so open about it, and not get caught by police???

BTW fatkid_1000pd, you should probably clear out your cache, history, etc of your browser. It is a crime in most states to have any child pornography on your computer. If it was somehow found, you could get jail time. I heard that when the Guardian Angels went looking for it, specifically so they could bust the makers of the pages, and the idiot police decided to bust the Angels...

We're in this together.

We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails


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