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#400213 - 06/12/12 12:30 PM Is porn screwing you?
herowannabe Offline

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA

The more I learn about sexual dysfunction, the clearer it becomes that it's not the "act" of watching porn, masturbating, etc., but it's the brain chemicals that are released during and after the stimulation that creates the dysfunction/addiction.

Porn, masturbation, strip clubs and all of the other forms of self-stimulation are screwing (or should I say un-screwing?) so many.

I don't believe a person, especially a male, as they tend to be more visually stimulated than women, can achieve a full, healthy, intimate sex life with a living, breathing partner so long as he/she continues artificially overdosing on these brain chemicals at will.

What do you think?

Peace and Love to All who Suffer-

For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

#400226 - 06/12/12 03:50 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
JoeUniverseHP Offline

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 72
I'm in SLAA for that reason. I have avoided sex industry (mainly porn for me) since jan 8 and my life has improved immeasurably since then. The discovery in that group is the reason why I am in this forum (I am working on my steps and repressed memories of my abuse came up).

Sexual gratification could turn into an addiction for those addiction prone.

Here is an enlightening video:;v=wSF82AwSDiU

#400244 - 06/12/12 07:59 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Cant argue with you there Hero.
If I wasn't drunk as a skunk then I would be online like a perverted teenager leering at hideous skanks doing the honky tonk.

When I look back on this incredible dysfunction, while having a perfectly sexual wife in the bedroom down the hall, I want to cry.
How much time I have wasted, how many nights of passion have I squandered with a beautiful woman in favour of this horrible form of self medication.

Sometimes when I think about the things I have lost due to men that could not control their horrible perverted minds, I really want to go and find them and torture them till they cant have a normal life.

I suppose that this will not give me back the drunken years that I lost with my beautiful wife and my precious daughter.

Well at least I have the opportunity to make it up to them and spoil them rotten with tons of healthy me.

Stay strong all, it does get better.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#400245 - 06/12/12 08:08 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
GoodHope Offline

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 428 has lots of good information on this topic.
Wife of a survivor

#400249 - 06/12/12 08:48 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
lucylives Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
After being through what I have been through, never agsain can I look at porn as some harmless crap.

It is damaging to all involved including the women whose self esteem is so low that they are willing to spread their legs for a few bucks.

One can only imagine what has happened to them that allows them to humiliate themselves so.

As for the men who view, in my opinion, it has to do with beign in control and not having to risk being vulnerable with your partner. I think it is a fear of intimacy that drives men to this. There is no risk involved, no vulnerability involved and no chance of being rejected. It is all about fear of intimacy. I believe this about all "acting out" behaviours especially prostitution, masturbation and porn.

Does your brain get screwed up by all this? Absolutely, normal vanilla sex is no longer as exciting to you. A woman's vagina will not give the same pressure as your hand so masturbation can ruin regular sex for you and make excitement and ejaculation difficult for you.

#400296 - 06/13/12 04:37 AM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
CruxFidelis Offline

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I'm very aware that a lot of survivors turn to porn and sex addiction to numb the pain of sexual abuse. Perhaps it is a form of "acting out" for those survivors.

I'd say that some porn users are survivors, some survivors are porn users, but not all porn users are survivors and vice versa. I gave up porn years before my assault and I'm proud to say that it hasn't been part of my life since before I married my wife.

I gave it up, not because of some contemporary study about brain chemicals or with a 12 step program, but because I believed it was a sin and I was in the process of becoming a Catholic. And my faith has always taught that sexuality and intimacy between partners ought to go hand in hand. I didn't need some study to tell me that ;-)

I was in high school in the late 90's, the Internet was still a baby but like all guys my age, I was into porn and thought nothing of it. I had a folder on my Windows 98 PC titled "Algebra" filled with smutty files. It wasn't something I did to act out. It was something I did because I was a teenager and I saw nothing wrong with it. I think a lot of non-CSA survivors can get sucked into a porn addiction easily, but it is probably particularly hard for the survivor. I wouldn't know because I didn't fall under the category of "male survivor" until I was 28. But giving up porn was probably one of the best decisions I could have made before getting married. It set the tone for the healthy, happy marital sex life that ensued, until that was completely taken away from me after I was raped 2 years ago and rendered sexually dead.

For me, the solution to giving up porn was empathy. I recall many years ago going to confession with a priest, and telling him of my struggles with habitual lust. The priest said to me, "I hope you never go back to those porn websites. But if you're ever tempted, take a minute to look at their eyes. See these women as human beings with feelings and a personality. Then close out of those windows, and do something productive with your life. Say a prayer for those women and their souls." I also thought about the plastic surgery they have had, and the Photoshop filters they have gone through. My fiancee (now wife) was beautiful even without all that stuff. Even though at the time, she claimed it didn't hurt her that I looked at porn, I know now that wasn't true. My actions did hurt her. Our path to healing happened through prayer and our shared experience of the Catholic sacraments. I can definitely say that I won the battle over porn and haven't had the desire to go back to it in a long time.

I don't think this is a matter of brain chemicals. I think it's a matter of postmodern culture selling its soul for a pack of Trojans. But that's just me smile
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

#400331 - 06/13/12 03:33 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
Justaname Offline

Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 17
I have mixed views on porn. I have no moral objection to it's use, there are plenty of healthy adults in the world who attest to it being a positive in the sex lives, though for me it's a dangerous game. To me I view it kind of like a drug, it is stimulating, addictive, instantly and temporarily rewarding and incredibly isolating.

Who needs a partner or a real sex life when you've got porn right?

Though I must say that hardcore porn was the only thing that gave me any sexual satisfaction early on in my late teens. It was the only thing that stimulated me enough to get any sense of sexuality, and in essence was a bit of a life saver in that regard.

I also think that I can be and have been sexually numb from the use of porn, i.e. rarely get proper orgasm ( very very rarely do anyway ) and it just feels like a ritual with action and release.

If you think about it, porn isn't a natural function for us as humans, we are biologically geared for human to human sexual interaction, so I think the biggest question to ask is is porn getting in the way of having any real human sexual interaction? if the answer is yes and you desire that, it might be a good idea to say goodbye to it for a while at least

So for me there are a number of facets to it. I think it really is up to the individual to weigh up the pro's and cons in regards to porn and what they want from their life.

#400335 - 06/13/12 04:12 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
JoeUniverseHP Offline

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 72
Well said.

In SLAA there are some viewpoints that say that addiction to porn is "sexual anorexia", meaning deprivation of real human intimacy substituted with images on a screen. That was certainly the case for me as I had, in the throes of my porn addiction, decided that perhaps I was never to be with another, destined to me "married to my computer".

I will read "Sexual Anorexia" by Patrick Carnes PhD in summer which probably has some views on the matter.

#400354 - 06/13/12 08:33 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
Pie Offline

Registered: 05/27/11
Posts: 61
Hi Hero

(I had a philosophical reply about porn, well I deleted that, haha)

Fantastic post! My experiance with my h porn addiction was exactly that.

Since the porn has stopped we have been having an amazing "honeymoon". I don't really care about the chemicals or guilt or shame or whatever problems happen with the addiction or even the "social" viewing of it. For both of us the reward of not having porn has been sensational.

Porn is no longer screwing with me

#400357 - 06/13/12 09:40 PM Re: Is porn screwing you? [Re: herowannabe]
Dolphinboy Offline

Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 62
Hi Hero

Yes, porn is screwing me! I see my fascination with porn - not addiction to - as harmless escapism.
Since I am single and not in any kind of a relationship, I fail to see the harm in using porn as a sexual outlet. Can this be compared to an alcoholic in denial, saying he doesn't have a drinking problem?
When there are dolphins in the waves,
the sharks wont get to us.
I believed my dad that day
and became Dolphinboy,
my own protector.

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