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#399600 - 06/06/12 07:42 PM Horace Mann Prep School Sexual Abuse
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Article in the NY Times magazine last Sunday.;_r=2&hp
Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#399614 - 06/06/12 10:13 PM Re: Horace Mann Prep School Sexual Abuse [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
GoodHope Offline

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 428
The paragraph that haunts me.

Stories like theirs point to why sexual abuse by teachers — or religious leaders or relatives, for that matter — is so especially damaging. As Mones said: “It’s counterintuitive, but sexual abuse emotionally binds the child closer to the person who has harmed him, setting him up for a life plagued by suspicion and confusion, because he will never be sure who he can really trust. And in my experience, this is by far the worst consequence of sexual abuse.” That’s one reason, he said, why those few victims who ever speak out at all tend to do so only after the abuser is dead or dying: telling the truth while the other person is still strong enough to deny it, or to blame the accuser, is just too terrifying.
Wife of a survivor

#399627 - 06/07/12 02:50 AM Re: Horace Mann Prep School Sexual Abuse [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
just me Offline

Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 200
It seems every 'institution' from that era has skeletons in and out of the closet. confusing.
My Story

#399653 - 06/07/12 01:21 PM Re: Horace Mann Prep School Sexual Abuse [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3785
Thank you for posting. It was very insightful. Victims as well as non victims should read. It showed the pain of the victim, their need to hide and too many lost throughout life. Like goodhope the quote as to why no one speaks until the abuser is dead or dying.

It is terrifying to feel the abuser will deny and those around you will not acknowledged the pain of the abuse but rather focus on things done to cope with the abuse. I have lived,realize and have learned from strangers and friends there is good and love in the world. Those who think the victim is the piranha harbor many of the controlling and insensitive traits of the abuser. All their actions do is to re-victimize the victim. It ultimately becomes these acts that either pushes the victim over the edge to end or destroy their life or to some to find strength with caring people and heal. But sadly, so many are lost throughout life.

This article made me realize even those victims with opportunity lost opportunity to live the life they deserve, as do most victims regardless of age, race, religion, ethnic background, orientation, etc. Sexual abuse does not discriminate.

I sent the article to my family in the hope they will read. Not sure but I believe everyone can learn and get greater understanding to how a victim may feel.

Edited by KMCINVA (06/07/12 02:09 PM)

#399698 - 06/08/12 12:25 AM Re: Horace Mann Prep School Sexual Abuse [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Green Offline

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
I was good friends with one of the abusers.


Edited by Green (06/13/12 11:24 PM)

#399893 - 06/09/12 01:37 PM Re: Horace Mann Prep School Sexual Abuse [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
actually, this article is in tomorrow's New York Times Magazine, not last Sunday's.


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