I have a dissociative identity disorder and to be able to write about my issues I need to explain my system.

So I have alters inside of me. I have an alter that is "the normal person" that has lived most of my life from at least the start of school. She sees herself as female and gets angry at all signs of me being a man. She wants to be pretty and valuable like a girl and she values her self. She is still living most of my life, working, making friends and so on. She thinks she's the original person who created me to take the abuse. She's the one starting therapy. So I often feel as an intruder in her normal life.

Then I have the angry girl who also sees herself as female. She protects us from everything that is bad in a normal way, like angry mother, school yard bullies, work overload and so on. She really doesn't like me and she says everything unnormal that has happen is my fault and also it didn't happen. At the same time. She will talk inside my head, making me take the blame for everything. During abuse she would stand beside me, telling me not to whine because I deserved it and should just be grateful someone would even touch me.

Then I have some child alters of both sexes but they are no problem anymore, the normal girl has accepted them and takes care of them.

Then there is me who has always been male and who took all the abuse. I am the one writing on this forum so everything is told from my perspective. I feel like I'm the real person and the normal girl was created to seem normal and take care of normal stuff. But I don't know. Maybe it's the other way around.

Anyway, my DID-related gender issues and my internal conflicts are very real to me right now so I wanted to introduce the system to make it easier to write about. I think a major problem in therapy is that it's the normal girl and in some extension the others that go to therapy, so I feel the things therapist says apply to them but have nothing to do with me. I need to work this out. Of course I can never heal if only parts of me go to therapy.