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#399239 - 06/03/12 08:44 AM .
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/13/13 03:23 AM)

#399240 - 06/03/12 09:30 AM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3854
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Bryan, whats up?
You are not contaminating this place by your presence, be sure in that.
Don't be so negative about yourself, you have a lot to offer to others. Please calm yourself, you are nice guy and we need such buddies around no matter if we are survivors, "normal" or "not so normal" guys...
My story

#399245 - 06/03/12 12:14 PM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
Randy65 Offline

Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Alabama
Hi Bryan,
You are amongst people who understand. I repressed my abuse for 42 years I'm just getting pieces of the puzzle now. I don't have physical evidence either. I must tell you that your posts have helped me. Please know that you are a blessing to people like me and your comments and posts are very important to me. You give me hope and reason.
Stay strong my friend and please do not leave us.
Your survivor brother,
My Story of CSA

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)

#399246 - 06/03/12 12:16 PM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
ANDREW63 Offline

Registered: 08/27/11
Posts: 164
Loc: Australia
Hi Mate , you belong here with us ,you are NOT contaminating this place stay here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,Andrew.
LOOK AT ME NOW I AM A SURVIVOR !My inner child and I are now doing this together !

#399247 - 06/03/12 12:19 PM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
traveler Online   confused

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4223
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
LAD - snap out of it! we've been through this before, remember?

Come on back to earth. you belong with us if anyone does. all the symptoms are there. you are not faking them.

hang on. self-condemnation will get you nowhere.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#399250 - 06/03/12 01:12 PM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota

I know when u first got here part of your history was being told by your Mother that you were abused from ages 3-9.

Is there reason to doubt what she said?

I also note your ongoing struggles with drugs- and in the past 7 years of drinking. I know I cannot gain footing in my life or understanding of who I am or where I came from if I am escaping through any addictive substances. Hell, even zoning out with TV or the Internet fogs my mind and confuses me as to productive action (much less the porn and alcohol I quit a number of years back.)

So if you are on a path that is clear headed, sober, have face to face support and accurate information from your mother about the abuse and have at least started with a T or have reads some of the books and articles suggested here on MS, then you can constructively engage the question you ask.

It's about creating a safe environment to look at ones life.

Then there is the point my T told me early on- I need to work on improving my life and resolving the many issues I face as a result of my abuse and early life experiences and bad choices. The details of my abuse aren't nearly so important as making my life work TODAY.

Let me know where you are with this, will you?

Edited by Mountainous Buck (06/03/12 01:22 PM)
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#399296 - 06/04/12 02:05 AM * [Re: Life's A Dream]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 08:39 PM)

#399308 - 06/04/12 05:20 AM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I think its safe to say many of us feel as if we are "fakes". I say so since sexual abuse survivors are always made to feel illegitimate in that we are conditioned to believe our feelings and beliefs about our experiences either aren't real or don't matter. This goes equally for those who can recall the abuse as it does for those who can't. I, for example, can remember the abuse but am so dissociated from my feelings about it that it feels like it happened to someone else, which leads me to feeling the same way you do - that I'm somehow "faking it" that what happened to me should somehow count or matter. Anyways like I said you are certainly not alone in how you are feeling. Please try and remember this before deciding to leave us.
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And well change the world.

#399314 - 06/04/12 06:40 AM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
phoenix321 Offline

Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL

My mother told me I was lying when I found out. Of course, she's living in her delusional land of everyone is so nice and god protects one against anything and really nothing bad happened to me anyway. You know what pisses me off about her? I expected my sperm donor wouldn't give a shit and probably enjoyed it happened. He's that way. But, I was floored mom didn't give a shit. There is absolutely no other way to explain my lack of having a life but the rape at 3.5 years old for me. What kind of kid dreams about sex with much 'older' people at 8,9 years old? Older meaning 20s and 30s. And, starts reading books on the subject at 9. What kind of kid has a nervous breakdown at 5 years old?

I still think it was better than my abusive household I lived in. The two pedos never told me I was worthless or stupid or slapped me in the face or beat for no reason. That's pretty bad, huh? I still ask, what was the big deal? That's because I have no idea how to fix the aftermath. I despise my sperm donor way more than my rapists. I'd shoot my rapists in the head. I'd torture my sperm donor.

LAD, you've spoke with clarity on the subject of your sex abuse. It's such a terrible thing we don't want to believe it and we repress it. Short-term that works beautifully. Long-term if leads to disaster. You wouldn't be asking questions if it hadn't happened. Right? Thinking you have Munchausen's Syndrome is just another form of repression. Right? Makes sense to me because Munchausen's Syndrome involves physical illness not emotional I think.

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

#399325 - 06/04/12 08:47 AM Re: I shouldn't be here - I'm a fake CSA survivor [Re: Life's A Dream]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa

Just come from therapy, and the discussion was, Was I really abused by my mom.
I still have doubts, cant remember and there was no real sex involved so is it real. She just used to play with.
So how do I look at the thing now.
1) My life is a cock up.
2) I am an alcoholic.
3) I am sexually dysfunctional.
4) My marriage is a mess.
5) Hell I am a mess
6) I match all the traits of a survivor.

So the thing is, If you read about all the traits that survivors have do you match a lot of them. Are the pertinent in your life?

If it looks like an egg and tastes like an egg, then it is probably an egg.

You are the only one that can decide what it is.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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