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#421987 - 01/13/13 01:04 PM Re: Do you have many male friends? [Re: NCguy88]
odie Offline

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 2
Loc: NJ
I have always had more female than male friends. I have always just felt more comfortable and at ease with woman. I have found men to be intimidating and I am always afraid of becoming close to men because it most of the time leads to attraction and feelings that I don't want to have. It has only been in the last 17 months of being in a 12 step program that I have started to feel more comfortable around men and have developed friendships in the rooms that are easy.

#422019 - 01/13/13 09:43 PM * [Re: NCguy88]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 02:03 PM)

#423256 - 01/26/13 06:02 AM Re: Do you have many male friends? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
{Me think you cute & carry you off he he he}

As usual, bodyguard, gave me a great laff! laugh You're such a BRUTE!

I don't have a LOT of male friends. I don't have a lot of friends period. My friends, however, are good friends. With some of them, yeah, there was the unavoidable scoping and that's, imo, just the way we're wired. Like bodyguard said, I can find other qualities to admire. (I don't have any women friends cuz I just don't get them...if that's mysogeny, so be it).

To qualify, in my gayborhood, the hotties are a dime a dozen and their brains worth about as much. When/if there's a conversation - rarely - I detach, look 'em straight in the eye and get on a topic that's not about their physical attributes. Having walked a mile in their shoes in my younger days, it became annoying to have to fend off advances, intentional or otherwise...and I respect that. Even today, there's sometimes some old guy - well, older than ME - who makes a grab for my ass and a simple, parental "Knock it off" puts an end to that behavior.

One thing that helped over the years were gay 12-step meetings where I got to know people as people, not bodies or conquests. Hugs and affection were usually completely non-sexual because the issues raised in the meetings were too important. Usually, too, a sexual comment from one of my brothers in those meetings is simply playful, innocent gayspeak. Yeah, it exists. ("Nice ass." "Thanks. It came with the body.")

Another qualifier. I've been poz over 20 years. Baseline before starting a new meds regimine was a CD4 of...46 (normal is 500-1000). Years ago I found it interesting that the testosterone measurement was on a similar scale. Haven't really had a libido in 6 years and I simply tell my poz brothers my CD4 and testosterone are the same numbers. They get it. No one else does.

Point is, it's been a blessing in some ways. Without much libido, I engage people differently.

Only suggestion I'd make, therefore, is to perhaps engage people you DON'T find sexually attractive. An idea?

#423491 - 01/28/13 07:15 PM Re: Do you have many male friends? [Re: NCguy88]
A270465 Offline

Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
I love all my female friends and have VERY limited male friends.
My abuser was female, but I still just love women and have a hard time making or keeping male friendships.
Hell... theyre all dicks right?
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

#423759 - 01/30/13 03:34 PM Re: Do you have many male friends? [Re: NCguy88]
finallyopen Offline

Registered: 11/16/12
Posts: 69
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Like yourself I have had major issues with male friends for years. "becoming close to men because it most of the time leads to attraction and feelings that I don't want to have" is a major problem with me as well.
So please don't feel alone in your thoughts. I have just started letting the gates down to allow myself to have "male" friends .. at the moment takin an as it goes attitude.
My Story :

#424098 - 02/02/13 08:16 PM Re: Do you have many male friends? [Re: NCguy88]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Still like the thread, longroad. I'll throw a curve here.

Past several years I've found - like many of my straight bros - I just don't get women. Complete mystery. Maybe I'm exploring my mysogyny. Hell if I know. Anyone else?

I just know I'd rather hang out, as someone elegantly put it, with a bunch of "dicks".

#424196 - 02/03/13 11:23 PM Re: Do you have many male friends? [Re: NCguy88]
cdlphn Offline

Registered: 01/27/13
Posts: 9
It was a real struggle for me in terms of trying to have friendships with males and a big part of this was not knowing how to be a friend and not knowing how to develop true intimacy in relationships by always keeping it at such a superficial level. After making progress in men's work (lots of group work over many years, I now know how to develop intimacy and have appropriate boundaries in my friendships wiht men as well. I ahve several close friends, some are gay, some are bi, and some are straight.

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