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#39854 - 06/15/03 03:18 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Over 80% of abused boys do not go on to abuse as adults (taken from "TEN FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE OF BOYS AND ITS AFTERMATH" off our main page). Gotta wonder what % of abused girls go on to abuse as adults--my mother did; my aunt & babysitters probably also fit here too. For me that is probably 100%.

As to the % of perpetrators of SA against boys that are female, here is fact #4 from "TEN FACTS":

Boys are most commonly abused by males (between 50 and 75%). However, it is difficult to estimate the extent of abuse by females, since abuse by women is often covert. Also, when a woman initiates sex with a boy he is likely to consider it a "sexual initiation" and deny that it was abusive, even though he may suffer significant trauma from the experience.
So at least 25% were female when this was written.
Somewhere I've got more recent stats that indicated about half if I can find them. No doubt this is much closer to the truth.

Pardon me while I try not to get too steamed up about this matter which really touches a nerve with me most of my abuse having been by females. Also I'm reading a book right now which while otherwise pretty good is somewhat feminist & male bashing.

But it is a reminder that I am correct in my thots
that a book in this particular area with a more balanced perspective is needed (also that we have a ways to go men, but we're getting there!).

Can I write such a book? Sure why not: I'm an equal opportunity basher--I bash male & female! ;\)

Hopefully since 1/2 my perps were male & 1/2 female, I can provide that balanced perspective with the help of my fellow survivors. Male & female.

OK exit soap box stage left... \:D


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#39855 - 06/16/03 09:31 AM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
lauraanimal Offline

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
while i may not be a male survivor, i am a female survivor. i was abused by both. out of my 6 abusers only one was female, never the less it made me question my sexuality for a while. my family moved when i was around 7-8 out into the country and away frrom my abusers. however it didnt stop there, i inturn turned around and "played house and doctor" with a neighborhood boy. i tought him how to play it and he was younger than i.

it sickeness me to think women out there want to understanding from men for what they went threw, but dont want to give it to men. thats just wrong!!! im my perspective it should be equal all the way around. if i want understanding then i should give it as well. they should also face up to the facts of what they have done, i wonder how many women out there admit that they went on to abuse, weather it was a male or a female they abused?

i have seen threw my husband and threw this site, how hard it is for men to admit and accept it, as well as how hard they fight not to be an abuser themselves. yet i have "NEVER" heard of a woman talk about how hard they fight not to be an abuser and to change what they was tought. i'm not saying that there isnt, but in the many sites i have visited i havent seen it or heard of it. i wonder what the %age is of women out there that will say that outloud? some women i have known and seen wear there abuse like a badge....i sure dont see to many men doing that. or trying to use it to there advantage, but i have women, threw my own personal knowledge of women i have known. and i have known a lot of people both male and female who has been sa'ed against. not one man has worn it like a baged to get attention, sympathy, special treatment, or some personal gain by it. but i sure have seen a lot of women do it.

i will say that i have noticed "both" male and females dont think the other oppisit sex is understanding enough, and i think this is where the change needs to be, i think both needs to be understanding of eachother. then and only then will there not be male or female bashing where abuse comes into play.

just my opinion, and you know what they say about them, there like arse wholes, everyone has them but they all usualy stink.


always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

#39856 - 06/16/03 02:05 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
i will say that i have noticed "both" male and females dont think the other oppisit sex is understanding enough, and i think this is where the change needs to be, i think both needs to be understanding of eachother.

I think you pegged it right there. Just as it takes effort to understand ourselves and our motivations, the effect(s) of our histories, it takes effort to understand one another. Especially when we come to relationships from such different places, whether due to genetics, society, personal history, some other things, or some combination of all of the above. It is so much easier to expect others to change. But good things are worth working for, and we have to make the efforts to reap the rewards.

As for attitudes in male and female survivors, I have noticed in the SIA meetings that we have a lot more in common than we have differences. I have to travel a long way to get to the meeting that I attend, because the women that meet closer to my home don't want a man in the group. But I can understand that and accept it. It's how they are choosing to heal, and if there is some ignorance behind part of that attitude, well, that's something they will have to deal with if they keep healing.

Anybody been in a mixed group in a more formal setting, i.e., therapy led by a professional? What did you notice concerning differences and/or similiarities in how men and women heal?



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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