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#398195 - 05/23/12 06:31 PM Wow, this is hard......
EgoSumQuiSum Offline

Registered: 05/23/12
Posts: 26
Loc: TX
Well I'm a Adult male approaching my 30's.
Have a great beautiful,smart,Girlfriend with whom we have a child and home together.

Im tired of being the person I am and ready to become a survivor! Not the person whos hides everything in hopes it'll go away.

I am tired of the disfuctional relationships I have created and constant lies I tell. I want something different so i am trying something different!

I am So used to posting on Vehicle related forums, so excuse me shall I accidentially insult someone!

I am currently seeking help again, hopefully to get things right!
Ego Sum Qui Sum- I Am Who Am

#398202 - 05/23/12 08:24 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:52 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#398204 - 05/23/12 08:27 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
EgoSumQuiSum Offline

Registered: 05/23/12
Posts: 26
Loc: TX
Ego Sum Qui Sum- I Am Who Am

#398219 - 05/24/12 12:39 AM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4223
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Sum -

it is a good step you just took here. can't tell you how much this site - esp the forums - have helped me. excellent that you are facing up to issues at this stage of your life - lots of better years ahead!

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#398263 - 05/24/12 07:25 AM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3854
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome to Male survivor EgoSumQuiSum!
Take some time and learn about resources that are offered to us here.
I hope that you'll find way to connect this community here, I've found it more than helpful to share and communicate to brothers!
Be well!

#398279 - 05/24/12 12:15 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
Randy65 Offline

Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Alabama
Howdy EgoSumQuiSum,
Your gonna love MS. It is so valuable in my life. Our brothers and even family and friends are extremely positive and helpful. Sometimes I just read and some times I post. Just go at your pace and ask us anything. We unfortunately are in the same shoes. You my friend are a survivor and you have taken a very huge step in the right direction, I am so proud of you.
Stay Strong,
My Story of CSA

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)

#398283 - 05/24/12 12:59 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1141
Loc: michigan
man I can so relate.the telling of lies and putting on faces to hide behind has always been my way too. and you are right,it doesn't work just leads to more confusion. The only way is to face the shame and pain and deal then there is healing. props on getting to that place while still so young ,man there is a world of great things waiting.
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#398286 - 05/24/12 01:35 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3785
It is so difficult and people wonder why we act this way. It is not to hurt others but to protect ourselves from anymore hurt--we put up a shield, and try not to let anyone in. If they do get in, we are always on guard not to be hurt again. This can cause them hurt, but if they hurt us it creates a downward spiral for us, we further loose who we are. I know I let people in, and once they hurt me, I lost control of who I was, and what was important to me. The child took over and the hurt and pain of the memories became unbearable. It is a very difficult life and no one here truly understands. My supporter friend always said, no one but me will ever understand the intensity of the pain and why you needed to hide and loose yourself. She was so right, that is why only we can heal ourselves with support, therapy and not putting ourselves into hurtful or abusive situations. Life or the healing is not easy--but if we move forward life becomes living and not going through the motions.

Edited by KMCINVA (05/24/12 03:30 PM)

#398298 - 05/24/12 04:12 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Welcome to the gang man.

We are so glad you are here and ready to do some healing.

Read a lot, ask a lot of questions and the healing you desire is right here.
I hope that your girlfriend knows man, if not your gonna have to get real honest with her. She also needs to know what's coming her way.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#398306 - 05/24/12 05:55 PM Re: Wow, this is hard...... [Re: EgoSumQuiSum]
EgoSumQuiSum Offline

Registered: 05/23/12
Posts: 26
Loc: TX
I'd like to thank everyone for the warm welcomes! Every relationship i've been in, i've told them I was molested as a child and pretty much left it like that.

I am still trying to learn my feelings and emotions as I suppressed them long ago and i don't know how i feel.

I would also like to know more about my super high sex drive.
I know it's a side effect, but I feel like noone understands it, and my future Fiance hates how when she shows me affection i always wanna turn it sexual!

Feel free to PM me with some suggestions or tips. I'm all ears!

Thanks again!
Ego Sum Qui Sum- I Am Who Am

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