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#39822 - 12/02/03 05:24 PM dealing
hardlife Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 1
Loc: Baytown,texas
I found this site by accident,but i am glad i did. I was looking for support groups in my area but there are none. I have just started dealing with my sa and just told my wife of 4 years the extent of my abuse,she always knew something had happened but i could never bring myself to tell her all of it untill last week. Today is my birthday and it is also exactly 22 years to the day that i first remember being raped, it may have happened bfore but my earliest memory is at my 7th birthday party. So needless to say my birthdays have never really been much cause for celebration. this is only the second time i have actually said what happened ,does it ever get any easier and will i ever stop hurting?

#39823 - 12/02/03 06:07 PM Re: dealing
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
First off let me welcome you here. I am sorry for what has brought you but am glad that you found us. You will find no hostility, denigration or disgust. You will find cameraderie, understanding, compassion and brotherly love in its trues sense. You are now mart of that brotherhood.

this is only the second time i have actually said what happened ,does it ever get any easier and will i ever stop hurting
The simple answer to both is YES YES YES. But there is no magic bullet. It takes time and a hell of a lot of efort to attain what you deserve as a human being. Telling the storm becomes easier because it is not your dirty little secret anymore. In reality it never was you secret but those of you perpertrators. They brainwashed you into silence to protect themeselves. And you know what all of us here fell for it. It was our fault. Well that is bullship never wasn isn't and never will be our fault.

So listen, post relax and emjoy the cameraderie. After a while it would be an honour if you would become a member. The dues are not onerous but you will be contributing to a stronger and stronger voice to society.

Once again welcome



#39824 - 12/02/03 07:37 PM Re: dealing
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Hello Hardlife, by posting here, you have gained a host of brothers-at-arms by your side. We speak loudly and will not be silenced. We slowly but surely heal and at the same time make a contribution towards protecting today's & tomorrows potential victims by shining a spotlight on our perpetrators. Our numbers and outrage demand change in societal attitudes. We are making progress, one step at a time ... marching forward, undaunted and unintimidated by our past demons and the creeps that would wish us silenced. Glad you are here but sorry for the reasons you need to be. Peace, Andrew

there is no courage without anxiety

#39825 - 12/02/03 11:36 PM Re: dealing
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
From now on ALL your birthdays are going to be memorable for something else - you've decided to heal.
And we know how much strength that takes, the first step is the hard one.

Any you're doing it at the right time - 22yo - you're young and full of energy and ideas - compared to some of us ;\) . I waited over 30 years to tell anyone, 10 years longer than you've lived, It's hard to accept change as you get older.

But change we do, we do heal and find methods of living with our past, we can't force ourselves to forget, but we can learn to deal with it and live good lives once again.

So I'm going to wish you a very happy birthday, and may all your birthday wishes come true.

Stick around, the help and support is as good as it gets.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#39826 - 12/03/03 12:01 AM Re: dealing
BT Offline

Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 388
Loc: Chicago IL
Welcome and congratulations on a big step. Just letting people know about what was done to you is a major step in getting our lives back.

This is a great place to talk and get support and encouragement. And yes it will and does get better. It does take a lot of work, and will take a lot of time. There may be short sprints and long runs, and even a few crawls along the way, but it does get easier.

Take some time and read old posts and get to know us. Search through the resources on this site. The papers and books the site reccomends are great.

Again welcome and remember you are no longer alone

"Everyone is entitled to their opinions and it is not my job to change their mind." Dali Lama

#39827 - 12/04/03 01:22 AM Re: dealing
survive75 Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Hardlife... to repeat what Mikey said, I'm sorry you need a place like this but glad that you found us.

I am fairly new here, but I can't tell you what a difference it has made. Like you, I came here while in crisis over telling my girlfriend about the abuse. I have yet to tell her the extent, so in that respect, I could learn a thing or two from you.

I am not going to sugar coat it... this journey to healing sucks. It is hard, painful, and sometimes I just want out. The anger is so difficult to deal with sometimes, and the pain is virtually unspeakable. But, again to repeat what Mike said, the answer to your questions is a resounding YES. I have just started the truly tough part - vivid recall, speaking about it for the first time to my girlfriend and posting it in here, etc. but I wouldn't be here today (literally) if it wasn't for this place.

Glad to have you here. Anything you need, let us know. Hope you'll come into Chat sometime too.



"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"


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