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#398190 - 05/23/12 01:36 PM My mother, and one who abused me, died recently...
spacewolfie Offline

Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Arizona
I don't know what to think or say, I feel nothing that she died, is that normal? I would think I should have wanted closure, but I don't feel anything, no anger, no sadness for not confronting her, nothing. I need some insight as to what I should say to my Psychologist or Psychiatrist. Maybe I am too pumped up with medications to feel properly, and I need a reduction? Or is it normal to feel apathy? It makes me kinda scared actually. She was a living being, shouldn't I feel something? What should I do?

#398224 - 05/23/12 10:15 PM Re: My mother, and one who abused me, died recently... [Re: spacewolfie]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4151
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Spacewolfie -

forget normal! "we" are never gonna qualify for that! i think it is very understandable and predictable that you would not feel deep grief for the "loss" of a relationship that was not what it should have been. she was the one who took "normal" off the table - not you! give yourself some time and space... maybe the shock is still numbing you.

i'd expect that in the time ahead you may start to feel something. you have probly been guarding your feelings so carefully that you are not allowing yourself to feel yet. that may change in time as it becomes "safer" to respond to what has happened.

for me, the step-father was abusive. when he died, i felt very little - some relief that he was gone and i would never have to face him again - (i was in my 30s at the time he died!) or pretend that everything was fine. later i started to feel grief - not for his death - but for the loss of a paternal relationship that never was and never could be. only much later - years - did i start to feel anger for what he had done to me and how it had affected my life. maybe i would have processed it all and moved through those steps faster if i had been in therapy. i am now. and it is helping to sort things out.

just tell your T what you've said here. the lack of feelings, the questions... keep at it. you'll figure it out.

"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#399021 - 05/31/12 03:42 PM Re: My mother, and one who abused me, died recently... [Re: spacewolfie]
Captain Okita Offline

Registered: 03/11/12
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
All I know is when my mother dies, I am not going to the funeral.

Leonard Douglas Silverman


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