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#396978 - 05/13/12 09:16 PM Whats up? NO POSTS
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
There has been a terrible decline in posts on the F&F forum, I mean there have been no new posts here since I posted my birthday on MS.
Were are all the insights from the wonderful ladies on this forum?
I hope that there is no bad blood, come on all, lets get active and help each other again

Hope to hear from you all SOON

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#396979 - 05/13/12 09:19 PM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
Maybe Easter, Mother's day and the beginning of summer have gotten in the way of MaleSurvivor. I know, I know, perish the thought M, but these ladies can give us a life lesson here. Getting involved in life helps the perspective of recovery re-connection. I applaud the supporter's on their careful use of precious time, and thank them for their support for our fellow survivors.

MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#397011 - 05/14/12 01:04 AM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
Esposa Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 811
Loc: NJ
Ah Martin - do you miss us?

#397015 - 05/14/12 01:25 AM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
mmfan Offline

Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 115
Not posting lately because things are going pretty well with us. I guess no news is good news. smile I do check in frequently to read posts and will respond if I strongly identify with something.

#397061 - 05/14/12 07:26 AM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Absolutely I miss you guys.
Actually Maybe I just have a burning desire to help someone. Need to examine my motives. But it does trouble me when I see that no one is posting. I know there were a couple of issues online a while ago.

Edited by whome (05/14/12 07:28 AM)
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#397073 - 05/14/12 10:53 AM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
G1psy Offline

Registered: 04/19/10
Posts: 13
Loc: Netherlands
Hi Martin,

I read this (F&F) board a few times a week and im not a real big poster, but i get a lot of helpfull information from just being here and reading stuff from the partners point of view.

Some ladies here sometimes comment in a very emotional and sometimes pissed of way.
I have no problem with that what so ever because it reflects my feelings and trauma as a suporter perfectly and most of the time i just sit here nodding like a idiot when reading this board. The questions that are posted here by suporters are great, they are mind provoking for me. I hope this does not change, after all this is a F&F forum.

Next to this, i must say that i am sometimes triggered by some stories here, and i don't know how that works for the other suporters.
Mostly stories written by survivors about their relations with their partners. The story about the man who was unable to love his senior wife, i felt sick for a week after reading that. And i get just so angry and sad and i just cry for all those suporters and the fall out of all this CSA crap. I hate it. And i just feel like an open wound. I am traumatised, healing, but long gone over it.

The lack (or unabilaty) to love, the ignoring, the whole PTSD circus, it just taps into my biggest fears i guess, about ending up the same way. I also wonder sometimes about the purpose of some posts. And the purpose of this forum. Ofcourse the post with resolutions, helpfull info, that help the suporters help, are the best for F&F.

So my guess is Martin, that there some "partner triggering" going on, although i can only speak for myself in this matter.
Just a my 2 ct's smile


#397083 - 05/14/12 12:55 PM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Well, I also thank you all for bringing the female and/or not-victim perspective to me at least. Its dramatically encouraging to see spouses and sig-others in "support and discovery" our child-self never actually died as kids because someone will listen and actually learn from us. Someone will actually hear our stories and care.

Its IS important though, that you just drive-past MS, and don't even look when you feel as if yer done here. No 'curiosity looks!' I've seen what that can do and the trouble it causes.

#397086 - 05/14/12 01:13 PM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
lucylives Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Hi guys,

I personally have stopped posting because I was confused as to why my post was deleted by the moderators.

As the spouse of a survivor, I have very, very strong emotions and this felt like the only place to vent them but it also feels like it is offensive to some people. Like maybe we should just discuss "safe" topics that won't offend people like maybe the weather. Not all my emotions are nice and I don't feel like some people want to hear my pain. Present company, excluded. wink These are the emotins that I have and sometimes they aren't pretty but when I feel like I have to tread so lightly so as not to offend anyone, the board loses it's ability to help me heal.

I sometimes feel that people aren't ready to hear the pain we spouses go through. Maybe it is too much and maybe it isn't helpful to hear for a man in recovery. I don't know but I would definitely understand that. I feel like it is triggering to a man in the early stages of recovery and reinforces the shame they feel but it is real, this pain we feel.

This board is the only place many of us can ask questions. When we are sworn to secrecy by our spouses, who are we to talk to? I luckily am in a program so I havew wondeerful people there but they are just spouses and this is the only way to gain any insight into husband by men who have been there and that I miss.

#397094 - 05/14/12 01:51 PM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3849
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi to all, must say that I'm happy because this thread looks like come back to life smile!
I really missed some discussions here in F&F part of board even I didn't post much.
We have to stay positive no matter on some "actions" taken against some our writings. Some mistakes are happening all time long and we shouldn't take it too personally (that is easier to say frown ).
Please if you see that someone is hurt by such activities send her/him PM with couple of supportive words. That is at least something that we all can do.
We are here to hear all painful emotions as well as positive ones. Please share as much as possible, no matter on some bad experience, we all should learn and understand each other more, that is only that matters...
My story

#397127 - 05/14/12 08:26 PM Re: Whats up? NO POSTS [Re: whome]
Anniemy4sons Offline

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
and the snarky nasty comments from "some" .. (not you Martin.) We decided to go off the grid for a spell.

Personally, I have my pain marginalized enough at home.

Well said Lucy!

as you can see we still check in and have a look see. :-D Hey there Martin...
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day.


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