Welcome to MS.
I am sorry that you need to be here, but I am happy that you have found us.
Even though you may not have specific memories, I think you know the answer to the questions you ask. For the moment, who, when and how often aren't as important as "did it happen?"
You are not looking for "problems that are not there." You are looking for reasons and explanations for the behaviors you use to numb the pain (pornography, masturbation).
It is very possible to not have memories for parts of your life that were traumatic. It is the mind's way of protecting itself.
Isolating yourself, keeping people at bay and being less than honest are also protective mechanisms. If you don't let people get close, they can not hurt you. Again, the underlying question is why
you won't let people get close. Again, by virtue of you seeking out this site, I think you already know.
As you can see, you are definitely not alone. There are almost 9,900 guys here who are stuggling with these issues, and we are the ones who have found this site. There are millions more in need of support like this site has to offer.
If you are not in therapy I strongly suggest you do so. You want a therapist who is trained to work with trauma. If they also specialize in working with sexual abuse, that is even better. Here is the link to A Consumers Guide To Therapist Shopping.
Not all of those questions might be relevant for you, but it is a good guide to use to interview potential therapists. Having such a list also takes some of the anxiety and fear out of making "first contact." Picking up the phone to call a therapist can be very scarey.
There are many books which you may find helpful. Some of the popular titles are:
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Abuse by Mic Hunter, and
Victims No Longer by Mike Lew.
Those, and many other titles can be found on the bookstore link here.
Many here will be willing to share with you the books they found to be most helpful.
Please do not say you have not been courageous until now. I know you may not be feeling very good about yourself, but you are not lacking in courage.
It took courage and strength to endure and survive that which is so traumtic it robbed your memories. And it certainly takes a lot of courage to discuss this with another (your wife). Many who come to this site never create an account because they are too afraid.
No, our new friend, you are not lacking in courage.
I know you are desperate for answers but I would like to caution you to exercise restraint in reading here. One the one hand, it is a relief to find out one is not alone or "crazy." On the other hand, the drive to want to read all that one can read can be disconcerting and even traumatizing. Go slowly. You don't want to inadvertanly harm yourself.
As you are familiarizing yourself with the site, you may want to mosey into the lounge (chat room). It is always open even though it might not always be occupied. Of course, the coffee is always flowing. Stop in for "real-time" support or just to talk.
Again, welcome to MS.