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#401017 - 06/20/12 02:09 PM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
HI Lou Lou

Im glad that you have gotten some clarity on the T's ideas and that you now know this is what is being said. So of the stuff sounded pretty crazy.
It is also a sign that your husband is getting a little better because he let you speak to his T.
I agree, just having a mother with Privacy issues does not a survivor make.
A lot more must of happened.
I blocked out certain experiences in my life that came to light when I started reading other peoples stories online.

Get your husband to join
But I must tell you to please do a bit of homework on the Co-Dependency issues in your life.
PLEASE DONT NEGLECT YOURSELF, and dont think that you can handle it. Get help from CODA or AL ANON you need the support and the courage to draw up healthy boundries.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#401018 - 06/20/12 02:21 PM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
LouLou Offline

Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 37
Hey Martin,
Thanks for the response and the advice.
I don't believe that i am a 'typical' Co dependent. I have done quite a bit of research. The only thing that can point to co dependency, is the fact that i have said i will leave my husband if things don't change. I have done NOTHING to support his bad habits. I have stated clearly, if you want to be on your own, let me go because these behaviours are not helping my self esteem. I don't want to come across as arrogant, but i feel like i am strong within myself. This shit has nothing to do with me. i run every day, i have a healthy diet. I do take care of myself...
Do i need to leave him in order not to be Co dependent? I don't understand.

#401019 - 06/20/12 02:22 PM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
LouLou Offline

Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 37
I don't believe i can save my husband either. Only he can do that.

#401024 - 06/20/12 02:38 PM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
LouLou Offline

Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 37
I 've gone on to the wiki checklist of co dependency symptoms. I answered, honestly, "no" to the majority of them. I am guilty of being in a relationship where my husband is doing things that are detrimental to our marriage, but seeing as though he can't even be in his own body yet, does that make me co dependent by believing that maybe he can seek help???

#401047 - 06/20/12 05:54 PM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3854
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey LouLou,
must say that you are doing great for your husband and your relationship. Co dependency is related to having focus not on self but on someone else - on his/her needs, emotions, problems and all other "important" issues. It is very tricky situation and not so visible and it doesn't happen overnight but rather during some time. It is great that you are feeling strong, have some healthy habits an so on -that is really good. Additionally please take care to feel yourself, what do you feel deep inside, have you been connected to inner self, what are your current issues/interests that are not related to your partner's problems and his current issues, are there any? Being in your own body is nice explanation for having focus on self. We all are easily lost if our partners have some serious issues and we in that process need to take care of ourselves as well, it sounds easy when saying but hard to regularly do it.
Be well!
My story

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