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#393301 - 04/13/12 01:57 PM Re: Healthy sexuality-Survivor input needed too [Re: lucylives]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
This is a very good topic and I truly like what MB said about knowing oneself.

I spent many years going from one sexual encounter to another and could never imagine that I would or could be with one person. I met many good men who offered this but I could not sit still long enough to take it in or appreciate it. I did not see myself as deserving a man like that and did not know what to do with him.

Now I find myself a completely different soul. I do not desire these encounters anymore and sex in and of itself is not appealing. I never thought that I would come to the point of preferring to make love to another and he make love to me rather than sex. I never thought I could be content in simply holding another and being held without necessarily it leading to more. I find myself more excited about those intimate and quiet moments than sex itself.

I think this, for me, has come as a natural evolution from my own recovery work and getting to know myself better. Allowing myself to be transparent and open to another and more honest than I ever thought capable. As I was told recently "you do not have to hide from me".

It does take conscious effort yet I truly think if we work on our recovery issues things like this can actually become a very natural thing for us. At least that is the case in my own life as I move on from from "the chatter" as MB stated above.

I truly wish all well in this important journey to a possible outcome.

Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#393322 - 04/13/12 04:07 PM Re: Healthy sexuality-Survivor input needed too [Re: lucylives]
Pie Offline

Registered: 05/27/11
Posts: 61
Hi Lucylives

For me the most important aspect is acceptance. Of yourself, body soul and mind. Then of your partner. If this is missing, there will be a degree of "with holding".

For many years in my home sex was just that. Sex. (If he came to the bedroom)

Once I could see that he really was changing and treating me with consideration and love, I slowly started to allow myself to be one with him. Now its all about making love and connecting in the most beautiful way possible. Yes we have the crazy fun moments and those are just that.

The most valuable lesson I was taught is to Hold each other first and slowly let your breathing become one. This silly bit of advice flowed into so much more.

Enjoy each other and enjoy making Love.

#393528 - 04/15/12 01:19 PM Re: Healthy sexuality-Survivor input needed too [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Thanks for all the responses. I did buy the ebook intimacy anorexia. Read most of it and then computer crashed. Ugh. Will have to re-purchase it.

Pie, I am gonna try the holding and breathing together thing tonight. It isn't silly at all.

MB, knowing oneself is huge. Getting through the chatter is very helpful.

Thank you all. More exercises would be great. Anyone else have anymore?

The keeping our eyes open definitely helps hubby to stay present and keeps bad thoughts at bay but he says it makes him feel like a freak that he has to do that. Who cares? If it works, it works....I think.

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