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#383111 - 01/22/12 08:29 PM Frustrated
livelovelaugh Offline

Registered: 01/13/12
Posts: 37
Loc: New Jersey
I was abused from ages 7to 9 or so, and I recall as I approached adolescence that I never seemed aroused or stimulated in any sexual way towards anything aat all. I hav looked at porn sitea both gau and straight, evem questioned whether I was becoming am abiser myself, bit havenever felt any kind pf sexualization at all. Even whem viewing a porn pic or video, I dont fpcus on the act, I focus on the expression, the faces looking for an answer to why or do they feel how I feel...i find these compulsive behaviors worst after a flashback or mightmare pf the abuse... Does anyone else cope with this, am I the only ome... How do I overcome it... How do I live a healthy sex life...

"...and it was then that I carried you..."
Footprints in the Sand

#383153 - 01/23/12 12:44 AM Re: Frustrated [Re: livelovelaugh]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5972
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
Reasoning on our thoughts and actions in the past and determining what our response needs to be in the present is a healthy path. I have found that I enjoy looking at expressions, what the eyes are telling me, what the mouth and even the color of the skin discloses in conversation. This can be overwhelming, as I take in a great deal of information and attempt to process it. It has been getting easier to "weed" out the extra stuff, and get "just the facts". I am finding a balance the more I expose myself to real interchanges, and I know that this path you are on will provide important information for you as well.., and relief.


MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#383173 - 01/23/12 03:34 AM Re: Frustrated [Re: SamV]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4286
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
First, let me say that I hope your user name is becoming more of a reality for you every day.
Sounds like you still are working on it though.

"havenever felt any kind pf sexualization at all. ...i find these compulsive behaviors worst after a flashback or mightmare pf the abuse... Does anyone else cope with this, am I the only ome... How do I overcome it... How do I live a healthy sex life..."

I think you're asking the same things most of us are - and if any of us found the magick cure, he'd be the most popular guy on the site. You are in the midst of an enormous invisible crowd of fellow-questioners all looking for the same answers. (I'm standing right with you!) The details differ from person to person - some go to the opposite extreme from you and are compulsive in acting out various flavors of sexualized behavior. Others are more like you and switch it off. i've tried both at various times in my life as well as numerous variations in between - but always in solitude - not involving anybody else. None of the multiple choices worked well. Just temporary distractions. Now I'm getting help from a therapist and spending lots of time reading others' posts here on MS. Both have been extremely helpful to me.

My gut feeling and from what I've read and observed is that it works best to address the root issue - the abuse - FIRST - and eventually the healthy sex life may be achieved to some degree as a result. Don't think it works too well the other way around. That's like trying to train for a marathon before the broken leg has healed.

So - may you have the strength and courage and support you need to continue your journey. We're here for you.


How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#392393 - 04/06/12 04:00 AM Re: Frustrated [Re: traveler]
joehurts Offline

Registered: 03/27/12
Posts: 22
Loc: seattle
this is the first post on here that i have read that i can fully relate to, except i do get aroused often, almost everyday. i have this problem and haven't realized it till just now. thank you for sharing.

#392852 - 04/09/12 02:45 PM Re: Frustrated [Re: joehurts]
skylar777 Offline

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 30
Loc: ohio
I have to agree with joe i fight it daily and i too get aroused daily as well. summer is my worse month everyone with there shirts off. got to stay strong
the scares run deep within our bodies,mind and soul. Only the help from God and others like us can get us thru to the understanding we will over come.


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