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#392385 - 04/05/12 11:19 PM Why Is Childhood Important?
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
This is going to sound like a really stupid question, but why is childhood important or relevant to adulthood? Intellectually I know that it is but when I try to figure out why I draw a blank. To give some context my T and I have been working on issues related to loss of childhood as a result of the abuse and I have trouble feeling anything about my childhood, like it was just a time decades ago, as if it were no different than a time in my life 5 years ago, for example. When she asks me about things I can't remember from childhood I feel like responding hey, I can't remember what I ate for lunch a year ago today so what's the difference? Anyways sorry if I sound like I'm being flip about it but I'm having a really hard time understanding the relevance of a time in my life from so long ago.
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

#392427 - 04/06/12 02:41 AM Re: Why Is Childhood Important? [Re: jls]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4165
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
There are no stupid questions! But i have seen and heard lots of stupid answers!!! hope this isn't one of the latter...

i think the key is in the old saying, "The child is father to the man." in other words, what you experience as a boy will strongly influence - if not totally dictate - what you become as an adult.

that sounds pretty fatalistic. and i don't think it is an unchangeable law. but there seems to be a great deal of truth in it. however, there are other factors involved too. your own will, the ability to resist conditioning, other positive influences, learning and growing and changing as you mature...

but - yeah - i think it is important to know what the base line is.

there is an old term - "palimpsest" - that dates back at least to the middle ages. parchment was expensive and paper was non-existent, so if a document wasn't needed, they would sometimes erase the original text by scraping off the ink - and then write a new text over the old. lots of formerly lost texts have been recovered by special techniques that can photographically restore the original appearance of the parchment.

none of us are blank slates. we all have some invisible message hiding below the one that is visible at the present. we can learn a lot about our history and how our personality was formed, why we react the way we do to certain stimuli, why we have patterns in relationships, etc. - by going back to the original.

For me - that is about the only way i can understand myself.

"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#392429 - 04/06/12 02:48 AM Re: Why Is Childhood Important? [Re: traveler]
Yerac Offline

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 45
Loc: Southern CA

#392434 - 04/06/12 03:01 AM Re: Why Is Childhood Important? [Re: Yerac]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4165
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
oh - you've got it - you just forgot where it is hidden!
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#392440 - 04/06/12 03:34 AM Re: Why Is Childhood Important? [Re: jls]
phoenix321 Offline

Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
It's a question whose answer has preoccupied me for a long time. You learn most everything from when the brain is developed at 6-9 months old to 6 or 7 years old. Social skills, speech human attachment, emotions then self-esteem, morality, etc.

The biggest time is 0-7 (some say 0-6 years old). The basis for the rest of life is learned. The created therapy for missing that but has to be given pretty close to that age (7-9 years old). Attachment disorder therapy. Attachment some say forms love, trust, self-esteem. If a person has little trust overall, something happened in 0-7. Example - a person is raped at 25. Their trust of anyone outside of family (spouse, kids, friends, work, social institutions) may not be great. They still have trust with others. Fact is people with a good foundation handle things better than those without. Example 2 - same situation. But, they had no foundation. No real friends, no family, etc. A few will defy the odds but the result is going to be far worse. Much like some of us that had abusive childhoods regardless of CSA.

Here's what the Bard would call the rub: if it's interrupted, it can ruin everything else going forward.

If you have a wife that has a good foundation, blowing a marriage is rather missing a huge opportunity many don't get. You probably should try even harder to make it work.

I saw this a year ago: without love (it was a comment on marriage), there isn't much of a point in life.

I've seen many beat a lot of things and thank their wife/spouse exclusively. I've seen women do the same but also thank mom. I rarely see them thank a shrink except in passing. I've seen people in AA/NA thank their sponsor and the group but ultimately the spouse was behind it they said. It was like, "I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for my wife/husband/bf/gf."

What I got from this is: people without love founder way more often than not. If your like me and made it this far, you're one of the few.

Wikipedia is a little technical but here's some:

Attachment theorists consider the human infant to have a need for a relationship with at least one caregiver for normal social and emotional development to occur.

Newborn infants do not seem to experience fear or have preferences for contact with any specific people. In the first few months they only experience happiness, sadness, and anger. A baby’s first smile usually occurs between 6 and 10 weeks. It is called a ‘social smile’ because it usually occurs during social interactions. By about 8–12 months, they go through a fairly rapid change and become fearful of perceived threats; they also begin to prefer familiar people and show anxiety and distress when separated from them or approached by strangers. The capacity for empathy and the understanding of social rules begin in the preschool period and continue to develop into adulthood. Middle childhood is characterized by friendships with age-mates, and adolescence by emotions connected with sexuality and the beginnings of romantic love. Anger seems most intense during the toddler and early preschool period and during adolescence.

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

#392499 - 04/06/12 02:19 PM Re: Why Is Childhood Important? [Re: phoenix321]
dancr6 Offline

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
"I sure wish I would have come with a decoder ring."

I hear that Yerac! :-)
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!


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