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#392926 - 04/10/12 04:24 AM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: pat8]
Human Offline

Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 67
Loc: private
Male CSA survivor here...I haven't posted my story, yet, but I'll get there.

This thread is a bit if a mine field for me, so far I've only scanned it. I think there are three incredible mom's here, sherefe, confusion4life and pat8 (if I missed any you're included too)!

I have to say I thought "Oh no, what if women show up here on MS?" Boy was I wrong, you're all 20's on a scale of 1 to 10!! smile

Thanks for posting and that includes chatting too.

pat8, the article & your post above^ has shed some light on how I can sort some of the crap out between me and my mom. So have the other mom's posts. I know you're all working hard to figure this mess out. I welcome more mom's here. I also especially encourage younger and/or motherless csa guys to reach out to the "mom's".

Thank You Mom's! smile

#393205 - 04/12/12 07:38 PM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: sherefe]
pat8 Offline

Registered: 08/02/11
Posts: 18
Thanks, Human. Anything that we can do to help or reduce in any way the survivors' pain is so rewarding, as we feel that we are doing to our own kids who were abused.

To me all of you are like my own son -- my son would be here in 20 years if I had not known of his abuse early on.

I cried together with you, every story, all your pain. Knowing what you have been through teaches me how to help my 6yo son.

#393736 - 04/17/12 01:06 PM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: sherefe]
Tiff Offline

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 11

My partner was abused by a teacher when he was a teenager - his parents were divorced and his mother has borne so many of the consequences. When 'the scandal' broke, she was given the option of moving towns with my partner (he was 16 then) and his younger sister, to avoid any further fuss.

I adore her and we get on so well but she's had such a hard life and is still on antidepressants (I think it's because she feel so gut-wrenchingly guilty about not sticking up for her son). Her son (my partner) has had ongoing instability in every part of his life: relationships, drugs, alcohol, mood swings...if it was my child, I'd probably need to medicate myself too, just to cope with the guilt.

#396610 - 05/09/12 05:43 PM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: sherefe]
sherefe Offline

Registered: 03/30/12
Posts: 24
What a wonderful summary of a mother's reactions. And thank you for reminding our sons to be gentle with us. Unfortunately, I fit right into:

Depression. Depression will occur if the pain, sadness, guilt, and other negative emotions are not addressed and managed. Depression is debilitating and will interfere in effective function as a mother.

Fear and anxiety. Fear is the normal response to threat. Anxiety is the normal response to the unknown. Mothers face a life-altering threat with no knowledge of the outcome.

I am SO TERRIFIED ABOUT MY SON'S FUTURE and so incapable of knowing what to do that my depression (a condition I've suffered from previously) is increasing. AND of course that prevents me from being "effective" in any way and no doubt adds to my son's trauma. I have got to get into therapy but I havent' even been to this site in a long time; just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

May I ask how old your son is? Can you give me any concrete advice on what you are doing to help him heal? A couple of people have suggested doing activities that he liked before the abuse started. that's hard when he is locked in his room all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#396612 - 05/09/12 05:47 PM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: Tiff]
sherefe Offline

Registered: 03/30/12
Posts: 24
How awful that on top of everything else, they moved away from "home." My dream (in addition to seeing my son as "a fully functioning human being") is that parents will learn how to make it completely clear to their children what is meant by "inappropriate touching" and be able to convince the children that no matter who the person is or what the threats are/were the parents' love is UNCONDITIONAL and the child MUST COME FORWARD

#416269 - 11/14/12 08:01 PM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: Human]
sherefe Offline

Registered: 03/30/12
Posts: 24
I haven't been on the site in a very long time so just read your post about the moms that are here. Your words really touched me. They brought tears to my eyes--but crying comes really easy these days.

My son had been seeing a therapist but I didn't feel the therapist was helping although my son kept saying he was helping A LOT. Now, the therapist has moved to a location far away and my son DESPERATELY needs to be back in therapy.

My son is not a child--heading into his late 20s--and his life is slipping away. He dropped out of school, quit his job...If he isn't with his girlfriend, he's watching TV, playing video games or sleeping.

My sons says he's asked people here to recommend therapists but they were all in NYC. DOES ANYONE KNOW OF AN APPROPRIATE THERAPIST ON LONG ISLAND?

Thank you all so much for being here when I need to reach out.

#416341 - 11/15/12 07:08 PM Re: Any mothers of male survivors here? [Re: peroperic2009]
sherefe Offline

Registered: 03/30/12
Posts: 24
When I first came online here, you wrote to me and here you are reaching out to me again! Your smiling faces and words are much appreciated--you might say your words are a light in the darkness that sometimes engulfs me. I will definitely post at the Male Survivors part of the board. Is it okay to mention the names of the therapists I've discovered to see if anyone knows anything about them?

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