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#392088 - 04/04/12 12:23 AM baby steps...
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4197
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
one of you wonderful women encouraged me to take baby steps - and i am here to report back...

it's working. with help from my/our T we figured out that i have a difficult time expressing feeling - especially face-to-face and/or spontaneously - and my wife has a great need to hear words of affirmatin and love and appreciation. MAJOR DUH! that part has always been self-evident but having it stated so bluntly in such close proximity shows how big our disconnect has been.

SO - since i can write and express myself pretty well that way - my assignment is to write notes to my sife and leave at least 2 per day where she will find them. it is working so far...

and yesterday it was an instant pay-off for both of us. I wrote that i was having a bad time and whe found it and came with a hug and reassurance. we both felt better.

Thank God for sticky-notes!!!

now if i can get to the place where i can just elminate that paper and pencil!

Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

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#392133 - 04/04/12 07:20 AM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
Keep taking baby steps Lee! Look at you, already looking towards sprinting!

You're a traveler..., you're supposed to enjoy the journey.

The paper and pencil WILL be replaced with words and gestures you'll see. Enjoy this part because it is liberating, has wonderful possibilities, and it can be so freaking romantic, use that fabulous imagination.

Say anything Man, remember you are a wordsmith!

YAY! I'm doing my happy dance right now!

Dar remembered the movie name: "What about Bob!" great movie!!!!


Edited by Anniemy4sons (04/04/12 07:22 AM)
_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

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#392171 - 04/04/12 03:34 PM Re: baby steps... [Re: Anniemy4sons]
Esposa Offline
User

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 811
Loc: NJ
That is really really awesome Lee!

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#393516 - 04/15/12 06:20 AM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4197
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
a bigger step - or TWO:

Good weekend for the relationship: went out to dinner Fri night and the restaurant had a trio of muscicans who went from table to table and took requests. I asked for "And I Love Her" by the Beatles and my wife just about melted! Then Sat we were shopping and while she was at supermarket and i was on the way to meet her from hardware store, i found her favorite flowers - not always available - and bought a couple bunches. Another SCORE! then Sun A M while i was getting dressed she brought the laptop to me with itunes playing Billy Joel's "I Love you just the way you are" We hugged and swayed all the way through - and i didn't flinch one or try to pull away! Big progress. Both of us had tears in our eyes.

just wanted to share some good news...
Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

Top
#393522 - 04/15/12 09:20 AM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Beautiful!
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#393529 - 04/15/12 01:45 PM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
AWESOME!!!!!

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#393838 - 04/18/12 01:53 AM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
mmfan Offline


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 115
I'm so happy to hear you are finding ways to express your love and caring.
It's not an easy thing to learn from scratch!
I love your idea of writing notes, this is how we learned to talk to each other also.
Over time it progressed to where we could say the words verbally. Those feeling words and conversations were so painful, the written notes eased the transition.
Keep up the good work and go easy on yourself when you dont live up to it.
Its a process.

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#395440 - 04/29/12 01:47 PM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4197
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Really blew it last week...

neglected the notes,

was quiet, withdrawn and uncommunicative,

spent too much time online...

she was hurt.

I was wrong.

paying for it now!

lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

Top
#395469 - 04/29/12 04:18 PM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
mmfan Offline


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 115
Try not to beat yourself up Lee. Learning an entirely new way of being isn't easy, its like learning how to pedal a bike with your arms. There is a learning curve and its not going to be successful overnight. Today is a new day and a fresh start. If you just cant come out of your shell enough to write a note, try to let her in on whatever level you can, with a hug or eye contact. Or maybe use a tiny sticky-note pad so theres less pressure to fill space, just an "I love you" or "You're beautiful to me" can go a long way. smile Baby steps remember. smile

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#395508 - 04/29/12 11:16 PM Re: baby steps... [Re: traveler]
Pie Offline


Registered: 05/27/11
Posts: 61
Hey Traveler

Start again now. We all fall down and we all need to try again. If we just gave up each time we failed we would still be living like cavemen. LOL. Come on don't be so hard on yourself.

Get your lady to smile so bright you see it in her eyes
Pie

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