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#391817 - 04/02/12 01:01 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4227
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Jeff - Ed's list of needs above is very helpful in understanding for me - hope it is for you too.

and - man - i thought i was a good secret keeper - but you are the master, dude! so good that you are finally feeling free to let it out. that's HUGE!!! hope you know how healthy that really is and give yourself some credit.

i don't think any of us here judge you for what happened. in fact i think most of us feel the SAME sense of overwhelming guilt, shame and worthlessness as you are describing - no matter what our individual circumstances were.

you said to me elsewhere something like the level of severity of abuse was jsut a number on a chart and that i shouldn't feel less abused because my experience was not similar to yours.

WELL - i hope YOU can hear that too in this context - YOUR shame and guilt is just a number on a chart too. what you went through does not make YOU worse - it makes the PERPS worse. don't take on THEIR shit. it belongs to them alone!!!

even the best of people sometimes fail or go astray. keep the good memories and try not to let the bad ones poison it ALL for you. but unless you face the fact that someone you loved was also someone who hurt you, i'm afraid you will keep on taking the blame on yourself.

i'm dealing with the opposite situation - the step-father who abused me most of the time could occasionally do nice things too. i have to remind myself and accept the fact that he wasn't a demonic monster all the time. he was human. i am human. we are both flawed. i hate to even have THAT in common with him, but there is nothing i can do about it... (sorry - going off-track)

Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

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#391829 - 04/02/12 03:28 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: traveler]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 02:11 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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#391832 - 04/02/12 03:33 AM * [Re: lapchinj]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 09:00 PM)

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#391833 - 04/02/12 03:33 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4227
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
not as extreme a case - but i have a couple of kids who have hurt me and done things that were hard for me to reconcile with their supposed love. but i still love them. i just keep those other things in a different place and accept the fact that we do love one another. your situation is far more difficult because of the extreme nature of the abuse. but i think its the same principal. only you can decide if you can keep both truths or if one of them will have to be trashed.

Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

Top
#391834 - 04/02/12 03:37 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: traveler]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 02:11 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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#391835 - 04/02/12 03:40 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 02:11 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

Top
#391837 - 04/02/12 03:42 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: traveler]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/17/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Jeff

Some of the people we idolize now, after hundreds and thousands of years were murders, etc.

If you want to know the truth, I do judge you by your disclosure of your past. I judge you as an incredibly strong man who I would be proud to call friend. I admire you sir!
_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#391841 - 04/02/12 04:03 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: Jim1104]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
I am am a BiG believer in getting it all out there and letting the light of day help me see and relate to my shame in a totally empowering and freeing new way.

I can admit some pretty terrible things, thoughts and behavior from my past and see the power and leverage it once held shrink away.

Journaling, quiet reflection, meditation, and talking to a safe and understanding person who is supportive of my growth have helped me immensely.

In my own head, isolated, these past seem to haunt me until I shed light on it.
I've learned from others how powerful this can be-and how deeply buried some old ideas and beliefs from my formative years can continue to affect my behavior, communications, and relationships even today.

I also give myself a pass on the Teenage years- and try to see how desperate and alone I was - I had no trustworthy role models to help me cope wih life, the abuse, or general guidance.

I hope that helps- this is a great thread and I'm glad u started it- it reminds me how much I really admire the men here at MS-including you!
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#391878 - 04/02/12 11:44 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: Mountainous Buck]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 334
Loc: New York City
Quote:
I also give myself a pass on the Teenage years- and try to see how desperate and alone I was - I had no trustworthy role models to help me cope wih life, the abuse, or general guidance.


I love this! This is finally where I'm headed myself and it is giving me so much more freedom to talk about what I "did" in private. I write "did" in quotes because it wasn't really a choice to act as I did; it was compulsive, born out of desperation and it was based on the only information that I had at that time. I don't blame myself anymore for acting the way that I did. I understand why.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#391916 - 04/02/12 06:35 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: Jim1104]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 02:12 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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