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#391820 - 04/02/12 01:41 AM Phoebe Prince

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3855
Tonight I was saddened by a show I saw on this poor child who committed suicide because of bullying by students and parents. Parents, adults participating and condoning acts that killed, a child lost. We were lost at the hands of an adult. Why do adults stand by and allow? So why does an abused child not speak about the abuse? Adults made her hide, like our abusers. My heart sank for the poor girl. How cruel. Later I went downstairs for food and was asked why I was taking food my wife bought. My son spit on me after his mother's comment, which always in the past led to the verbal, physical attacks, being spat on, being locked in the office and to escape climbing out a window, made me realize the damage adults do to a child. I was hurt but it no longer sets me back to the memories and pain of the priest's abuse, which for 5 years wou ld have happened, but rather to how sad I am for the situation, the child and what a child has been taught or learned or influenced to do.

So as survivors we need to understand we have a child that is young that distrusts and allows some adults to hold us back, fear controls. The poor Phoebe hurt because of bullying and parental support of bullying. It needs to stop.

Edited by KMCINVA (04/02/12 02:14 AM)

#391824 - 04/02/12 02:21 AM Re: Phoebe Prince [Re: KMCINVA]
Jim1104 Offline

Registered: 03/17/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
You are so right.

#391825 - 04/02/12 02:52 AM Re: Phoebe Prince [Re: Jim1104]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4286
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio

i don't understand how supposedly "civilized" people can act this way.

our school is trying to quell bullying right now. as young as 1st-2nd grade. and the parents just don't get it. it isn't a big deal unless it's their kid getting picked on. then they care - unless they are like mine were and don't even notice.

i can say - from experience - it IS a BIG DEAL!
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#391828 - 04/02/12 03:28 AM * [Re: traveler]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 09:00 PM)

#391889 - 04/02/12 01:14 PM Re: Phoebe Prince [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3855
That is sad a child cannot see the film on their own--it would show the pain of the child so bullied. I also hope adults see, because after seeing last night's show I realized sometimes parents are the true instigators--they encourage the child. I was amazed when the mother and daughter-accused abusers sat there saying they were sorry but no remorse or feelings in their voices. They were more concerned about themselves. Clearly, the mother and daughter were from the same mold--clearly learned, accepted and encourage behavior in the home. Sad for the child who only learned from the parent.

I knew a family, somewhat extended, their Sunday night dinners were making fun of people--looks, clothes, intelligence, race, etc. The same thing over and over. One member of the family who couldn't take the stupidity of the discussion everyweek, would say something about how silly and stupid the discussion was,so this person became a target of being made fun of, the only way out was to leave the room. Another family,a large family with extended family members and friends at the table--making fun of anyone was not allowed--humor was kind and funny-similar to Ellen DeGeneres type of humor. Now I realize the latter table taught the right values. It passes from generation to generation. During my healing I have met people who have the latter humor and it has been a life line. I know the bullying as an adult and how it effected me and raised the sleeping dog--the childhood abuse--I wanted to take to the grave--but it happened and I cannot change the events- it is out of the bag. I also know what the bullying did to the child in me--angry and hurt and sort love through acts he only knew. Bullying destroys. I remember once in my own home, a small family event and one child asked did they have to be there because they could not take the constant put downs of others--covered everyone, no one was good, productive, smart, etc, by several family members who would be there. True to form, it was a repeat of the same old negative remarks.

After the show last night and being spat on, I realized the child is a product of the environment. When the parent encourages and supports negative comments of everyone, what can one expect from the child. Like the mother on the show last night, no remorse and she did not seem to understand what was so wrong with what was said and done. She appeared to be the type that would say I am a good mother and I did everything for my child,--she sure did and it was seen through the child and her actions to poor Phoebe.

CSA creates the same fears Phoebe felt, a life to taunts, horrendous words, destructive actions--it robbed her soul of life, so the pain was so great and she only saw one way to escape. I now understand, all abuse on a child--CSA, physical, emotional steals the life from the child. I also know it does the same to adults--we all have weaknesses and with prior abuse in our history, new abuses or bullying only makes it worse and reignites old wounds compounded by new wounds. I have been fortunate to have wonderful supporters here, in support groups, outside these groups and a great therapist. If I relied on those near me, I surely would have been pushed over the edge. I am stronger today, I see my history clearer, I remember things done to me that I buried as a child and adult, I can remember things said to me--many hurtful words over the years--but more than compensated by the kindness of people I have met on the healing journey.

Not all were as fortunate--so as we see our lives, we are not the only children to have a childhood robbed, but so are the children who are bullied by peers and adults. If adults allow, instigate or permit--how can we expect the child to learn it is wrong? Parents and adults--we are not our children friends, we are their parents--they are not our confidantes for our personal and adult issues--they are children and need a childhood surrounded by friends and peers and not only their parents--adult topics do not belong to them--you will rob them of love, understanding relationships and building friendships. Take responsibility for your actions--admit what is happening--change seek help--make tomorrow a better world for you and others. Get off you high horse and realize you are human and not perfect.

Sorry the show really hit hard--I was so sad and I cried-I just felt the lost child's pain. I admired Phoebe's family--brave and compassionate--did not want the abusers to go to jail--settled for probation and community service. I know their hope is for the children and adult bullies to get help and admit what they had done. Only a few of the bullies had remorse--so hardened by their sense of being above others and unable to see their evil and damaging ways. I only hope Phoebe's family, who left Massachusetts and returned to Ireland find peace and her legacy wakes up the ignorant and focuses attention to all childhood abuses.


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