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#391397 - 03/29/12 08:21 PM im new here
7373dssnn Offline


Registered: 03/17/12
Posts: 10
hi iam new here and i need to talk to someone bout ssa. how to deal with them i want to act out but a part of me dont want to act out... any one??

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#391400 - 03/29/12 08:35 PM Re: im new here [Re: 7373dssnn]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 329
Loc: New York City
First, welcome. There are many of us on here that have SSA issues. Its discussed on a regular basis.

I recommend hitting the Search button at the top of the page and putting in "same sex attraction" and you will find many threads. I tried searching the term "ssa" and it wasn't recognized.

This topic comes up in the Male Survivor section, the Sexual Identity Issues section and the Gay/Bi/Trans Survivor section with many varied opinions and experiences.

I came here with certain opinions about SSA and have had many great experiences with other members discussing this topic. I've been listened to and I've listened to others and I have greatly broadened my perspective on this topic in particular. There is a lot of help here and a lot of room to breathe.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#391430 - 03/30/12 12:05 AM Re: im new here [Re: EdfromNYC]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4199
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
welcome -

and i've got good news and bad news. The good news is - the SSA is an *absolutely normal reaction* for someone who has been through abuse at the hands of a male perpetrator and many if not most of us here have experienced it to varying degrees. The bad new is - the SSA is an absolutely normal reaction for someone who has been through abuse at the hands of a male perpetrator and *many if not most of us here have experienced it to varying degrees.*

hang around here and you'll get a much bigger picture. i've learned a lot and grown a lot since joining. be involved at whatever level feels right to you.

you are not alone. you are among friends who understand.
it's OK to PM me if you feel like it.
Lee


Edited by traveler (03/30/12 12:06 AM)
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

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#391433 - 03/30/12 12:27 AM Re: im new here [Re: traveler]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
Welcome 73,

Here is the forum that is focused towards Sexual Identity topics. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=31&page=1

Please post your thoughts here, or start a new post in Sexual Identity forum, or PM.

The struggle is overwhelming 73, we come here to find "us" in the chaos, you too will find the relief of recovery and a clear path for who you are,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#391437 - 03/30/12 12:53 AM Re: im new here [Re: 7373dssnn]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
Hey 7373,

Welcome to Male Survivors! Glad you found us.

I too have suffered from SSA. It was always a bad thing for me as I bought into the societal stereotype that men are supposed to be tough, rough, and show little emotion. So I always felt like less of a man because of the SSA.

Since I have been here on this site, I have learned about SSA, and am no longer bothered by it, it is simply one of the things i get thoughts about. Also Mike Lew's book Victims No Longer, gave me great relief that I am not a freak, but a man who is dealing with tough stuff. As soon as i stopped resisting the thoughts, they stopped bothering me for the most part.

I have never acted out on it, nor do I think I ever will, but the point is that it doesn't bother me like it used to. But you need to get to a point where you can decide how you will let it affect you.

take care, i'd be glad to talk more with you in a Private Message (PM) which you can do by sending me a message through my profile page.

peace

paul
_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

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#391438 - 03/30/12 12:53 AM Re: im new here [Re: 7373dssnn]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
Hey 7373,

Welcome to Male Survivors! Glad you found us.

I too have suffered from SSA. It was always a bad thing for me as I bought into the societal stereotype that men are supposed to be tough, rough, and show little emotion. So I always felt like less of a man because of the SSA.

Since I have been here on this site, I have learned about SSA, and am no longer bothered by it, it is simply one of the things i get thoughts about. Also Mike Lew's book Victims No Longer, gave me great relief that I am not a freak, but a man who is dealing with tough stuff. As soon as i stopped resisting the thoughts, they stopped bothering me for the most part.

I have never acted out on it, nor do I think I ever will, but the point is that it doesn't bother me like it used to. But you need to get to a point where you can decide how you will let it affect you.

take care, i'd be glad to talk more with you in a Private Message (PM) which you can do by sending me a message through my profile page.

peace

paul
_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

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#391506 - 03/30/12 12:30 PM Re: im new here [Re: pbert53]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3849
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi 7373dssnn,
I've seen that Sam have post link to Sexual Identity Issues part of board. Nevertheless here is similar topic in that part of forum about doubts on acting out:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=381031#Post381031
there are a lot of advices from some experienced survivors, maybe it will be good for you to go trough all this?
Be Well!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#391527 - 03/30/12 05:44 PM Re: im new here [Re: peroperic2009]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 01:05 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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#391544 - 03/30/12 10:52 PM Re: im new here [Re: lapchinj]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome

It's sad that our abilities to bond, be close, and have friendships as well as our sexuality were damaged by abuse.

I hope u will find a lot of answers and illumination for your path here- no matter what. I find this to be a pretty safe and supportive environment with lots of experience thrown in.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#391566 - 03/31/12 03:42 AM Re: im new here [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
"It's sad that our abilities to bond, be close, and have friendships as well as our sexuality were damaged by abuse."

This is insightful to the point where it needs to be repeated again. As many here will tell you our abuse taught us many false truths about love, affection, intimacy, and sexuality. Personally, I have struggled with my relationships with men especially when they are closer. I fear they will "find out about me" or the relationship will turn abusive. Furthermore, SSA has been something I experienced firsthand. It is completely normal even if you are heterosexual.

I highly suggest checking out the threads already mentioned and reading Victims No Longer. Many CSA victims experience precisely what you are going through, including me, but we can find ourselves in the confusion. You not only deserve to know the truth about what you are experiencing but you deserve to know the truth about you. As you work through your recovery I assure you there are many wonderful discoveries to come : )
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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