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#391294 - 03/29/12 02:29 AM Mutually exclusive
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3966
Loc: settling in the USA again
An “AHA!-Moment” from my last therapy session:

I was saying again for the umpteenth time how I felt responsible for... in THIS case - all the tension and conflict in the house growing up because I was the one who “always” triggered the step-father's rages.

And then the next statement out of my mouth was – “I felt so helpless. I was powerless to stop it.”

T: “Stop right there! Listen to what you just said…”

Me: “Yeah – so…?”

T: “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t be so powerful that you cause all the problems – AND – at the same time – be unable to do anything to make it better or fix it or prevent it. They are mutually exclusive.”

Me: “OK – the abuse wasn’t my fault – I know that.”

T: “You are NOT powerful enough to make your step-father DO anything or NOT do anything. If you could have done something, you would have. You could never have satisfied him.”

Me: “Right! He was gonna be angry and violent no matter what I did. It was never good enough.”

T: “YES! This is one of the lies you have been believing.”

Me: “… so I’m off the hook…? But I felt responsible all those years because he said I made him do it…”

T: “That is what almost ALL abusers say. That’s what they want you to think. It’s a LIE!”

Starting to STOP believing the lies,
smile Lee

Edited by traveler (03/29/12 02:30 AM)
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#391301 - 03/29/12 03:00 AM . [Re: traveler]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:15 PM)

#391306 - 03/29/12 03:22 AM Re: Mutually exclusive [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3792
Loc: South-East Europe
"Stop believing the lies"
great message Lee, we all need do that and actually start believing to ourselves for change!
Please say hello to your T from all of us, next time when you'll see him smile!!!!

My story

#391307 - 03/29/12 03:24 AM Re: Mutually exclusive [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3792
Loc: South-East Europe

Edited by peroperic2009 (03/29/12 03:25 AM)
Edit Reason: post twice same
My story

#391319 - 03/29/12 04:52 AM Re: Mutually exclusive [Re: traveler]
phoenix321 Offline

Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL

It's not a sin to be weak. It's a sin to be strong and ignore the weak. -old proverb

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"


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