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#391294 - 03/29/12 02:29 AM Mutually exclusive
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3950
Loc: settling in the USA again
An “AHA!-Moment” from my last therapy session:

I was saying again for the umpteenth time how I felt responsible for... in THIS case - all the tension and conflict in the house growing up because I was the one who “always” triggered the step-father's rages.

And then the next statement out of my mouth was – “I felt so helpless. I was powerless to stop it.”

T: “Stop right there! Listen to what you just said…”

Me: “Yeah – so…?”

T: “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t be so powerful that you cause all the problems – AND – at the same time – be unable to do anything to make it better or fix it or prevent it. They are mutually exclusive.”

Me: “OK – the abuse wasn’t my fault – I know that.”

T: “You are NOT powerful enough to make your step-father DO anything or NOT do anything. If you could have done something, you would have. You could never have satisfied him.”

Me: “Right! He was gonna be angry and violent no matter what I did. It was never good enough.”

T: “YES! This is one of the lies you have been believing.”

Me: “… so I’m off the hook…? But I felt responsible all those years because he said I made him do it…”

T: “That is what almost ALL abusers say. That’s what they want you to think. It’s a LIE!”

Starting to STOP believing the lies,
smile Lee

Edited by traveler (03/29/12 02:30 AM)
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"

#391301 - 03/29/12 03:00 AM . [Re: traveler]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:15 PM)

#391306 - 03/29/12 03:22 AM Re: Mutually exclusive [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3772
Loc: South-East Europe
"Stop believing the lies"
great message Lee, we all need do that and actually start believing to ourselves for change!
Please say hello to your T from all of us, next time when you'll see him smile!!!!

My story

#391307 - 03/29/12 03:24 AM Re: Mutually exclusive [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3772
Loc: South-East Europe

Edited by peroperic2009 (03/29/12 03:25 AM)
Edit Reason: post twice same
My story

#391319 - 03/29/12 04:52 AM Re: Mutually exclusive [Re: traveler]
phoenix321 Offline

Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL

It's not a sin to be weak. It's a sin to be strong and ignore the weak. -old proverb

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"


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