I just want to talk a bit about the recent development in my life. I think you have already read some of the shit that I got into because of what happened to me. On top of all that I was diagnosed by my P as ADHD. When he first suggested by asking if I had ever been tested for add I misunderstood him and asured him that I did not have aids. But after when we got into it and over the next few months of testing and reviewing the confirmed diagnosis was made. As a survivor of abuse from childhood to 21 1/2 years my T put me on Paxil to help bring down my anxiety level. That did not work at all. A new P weened me off that and got me on to Effexor and then later added Welbutrin. Now for the past week I have been taking 10mg of Ritalin twice a day and 75mg of Effexor. I have to tell you that, at least for now, I have felt a profound change in myself. I an better able to deal with life and I am starting to feel that I am not as big a piece of shit that I thought I was. As a matter of fact Ime OK. What concerns me though is that I have been a member of AA for 26years and from 18-21 I was a heroin addict. And as long as I can remeber I have had an addiction for Violence perpetrated on myself. Hence my love of mountainbiking, smowboarding and inline skating and hockey. I get hurt a lot with theses sports. The adrenilen rush is awesome. My P, my wife and I are being very careful with this ritalin because it is very addictive. About 1 hour after taking it the rush starts and I feel incredible and am able to concentrate for the first time in my life on things that are necessary but not really interesting or that I do not care to think about (my abuse is a case in point).
Sorry about rambling but what I really want to know is if there is anyone else out there with this and what have they done to aleviate it and what has been there experience. Someone already has indicated to me that he suffers from the same thing.
At the moment the drug is helping me cope better than I have in the past but I am worried about the long term effects.
IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.