"The variety pack", that's a funny way to describe the whole packet.
What comes to my mind is "the inlaws"
who came with the marriage. The caused me trauma/betrayal as well as my husband.
Like you i wanted to make the best of things, help, support just be a real family with my inlaws.
I have done so many things for them. They have hurt me so bad. I feel i never will recover from their betrayal.
After my husband's disclosure, i came to see for the fist time, their real nature. After thirteen years!
When my husband wanted to leave me and our four year old sick child for his affair, his mother apparantly said something like, "i can't blame you". "She is such a closed and a reserved person". I never knew she thought bad of me. Wierd how she accuses me, when this family is full, - packed - with secrets.
Whenever i expressed conserns about my husband to her, she would change the topic.
I can only say now that my own mother would have responded very different if i would have been the one having an affair. She would have stood up for my husband and told me it was not oke to do this to him and our son.
When my mother inlaw heard of her other son approaching my husband in a sexuall way when they where children, (he wanted to have anal sex and sort of wanted to force him) she said it was just normal boy behaviour, exploring their bodies.
And the list goes on. I didn't know either that my father in law was photographing his stepdaughters panties when he was babysitting, practised sm, or had fantasies about raping someone with the use of a dog.
I cry now. I do. Freaking crazy family.
I never want to see them again. They sometimes stand on my doorstep telling me that the want to spend time with my son.
I tell them calmly to hit the road. And how do i explain this to my son. That im telling his grandma to piss of.
I just tell him bad things happend. And we will tell him one day what occured. When he is old enough.
My husband is a total mess. He has PTSD-c. He almost faints when he thinks about his abuse when he's doing his exposure therapy. I still don't know exactly what happend to him. Only that he was raped vilently. But lots of things happend, he is working slowly through this.
But yeah, my inlaws they are part of the variety package. But, a packet i have dumped.
I think now, how come i never knew... Is it me am i crazy, blind ?
I think now that you don't see what you don't know. A "healthy" person is trained to think good about other people because its the way you are raised yourself.
My parents where good, not saints, but good people. I know now i have been so blessed and i know i was loved. I think that makes the difference between my husband and me. Trust.
I remember now that i once saw my father in law snooping in our personal documents. I just thought hey, that is strange - after i told my husband. I thought maybe he was just passing and saw something that caught his attention? Trust?
I remember when i was young i once saw the movie "rosemary's baby". Well, that decribes perfectly the inlaw variety pack for me.