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#388120 - 03/03/12 03:18 AM Just lost my Counsellor
Grunty1967b Offline

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 861
Loc: Australia
This happened before but this time the sudden departure of my counsellor has really left me in shock and bewilderment.

I got a call from the receptionist to advise my counsellor was no longer working there with them. I asked was it the counsellors’ decision or was she asked to leave and would not tell me. What really got to me was their blasé approach of “we have two other counsellors available on the same day you used to see ‘x’. Can I book you in to one of those?”

What the…? Do they think this is like choosing a different brand of milk because your normal milk is out of stock? Do these people who work at these counselling organisations (the org I go to ‘specialise’ in incest) understand the risk one takes and the trust that occurs between a survivor and their counsellor?

I politely said I would need to think about the ‘offer’ and I would get back to them when I was ready.

Other than this lack of appreciation to how this sudden news would have affected someone in my position the other impacting attribute is the progress I had been making with my counsellor and how she understood everything I shared with her. She often gave insight as to the “whys” regarding how things affect me. That was invaluable to me.

I am at a loss as to what to do now. My previous counsellor although she was knowledgeable and helpful to a point I never felt I was making much headway. I just got a lot those “that must be difficult” remarks. They’re nice to receive but they don’t provide answers or offer solutions on steps to recovery.

This was very different with my (just lost) counsellor. She could see exactly why something would affect me and could trace it back to certain instances of abuse and then provide me with options to consider in moving forwards.

So - angry at the stupid “would you like to try a different counsellor” suggestion and distraught at what how?

#388124 - 03/03/12 03:44 AM Re: Just lost my Counsellor [Re: Grunty1967b]
ANDREW63 Offline

Registered: 08/27/11
Posts: 164
Loc: Australia
Hi Grunty , i have just been through the same thing my original (first) counsellor moved on to work in another field of the health dept: i was fortunate that she took the time to discuss with me her change of position and gave me some insight into her replacement even though i felt very reluctant to have to start over again with someone new ,i have been very lucky that my new counsellor is very good and put me at ease ,she had all of my case history but i still had to tell her my story ,as i slowly told my story she could tell that it is still very raw and painful for me to speak about my CSA ,i wish you all the best with a new counsellor ...Andrew.

LOOK AT ME NOW I AM A SURVIVOR !My inner child and I are now doing this together !

#388128 - 03/03/12 04:36 AM Re: Just lost my Counsellor [Re: ANDREW63]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3864
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Grunty, can you go there and talk to someone beside that really crazy telephone selling kind of offer?
I'm not sure would I be able to move further just like that.
I would ask additional information about that counselor, if you were satisfied with her job you have all rights to look for additional information. Maybe she has moved to open her own office and they are now kind of competition or there is some other important reason, but anyway I would like to hear about it in direct talk face to face. Otherwise I would felt like we are at some market making bargain and someone is trying to sell me something beside my free well. If they can't give you additional information please consider sending them request for kind of "motivation letter" in which they should explain why should you go further with them. Let them being feeling left on some f****g market selling their souls.
Sorry for my words. I'm little bit angry when I see how insensible people (even professionals) could be. I'm speechless.
Please fight for yourself, go there and ask for talk to some manager, let them work some job, they are already paid for it. You have all rights to ask and fight for yourself, don't give up just like that.
Be Well!

My story

#388130 - 03/03/12 06:05 AM Re: Just lost my Counsellor [Re: Grunty1967b]
Forexpreneur Offline

Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Originally Posted By: Grunty1967b
Do they think this is like choosing a different brand of milk because your normal milk is out of stock?

Grunty, I'm sorry you have to go through this crap. Like we don't have enough pain to deal with. I have very pronounced abandonment issues and I would have been having to deal with another case of "abondonment".

You said it very well, this isn't like choosing another damn brand of milk because your normal kind is out. I don't just tell any damn stranger about what happened to me growing up, and none of us can as we are trying to work through things. This stuff is very, very personal.

Hang in there brother!


#388131 - 03/03/12 06:08 AM Re: Just lost my Counsellor [Re: Grunty1967b]
phoenix321 Offline

Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Ethics doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary. If you want the why, read Mike Lew's book. No fix really but it is the only book I'd buy. Every other book besides his, sucks or just has the same stuff but at a much higher premium for less stuff. I wonder if most of the bookwriters didn't just help themselves to Mike Lew's stuff. I checked it out from the library a couple of times.

I'd rate Mike Lew's Victims No Longer as a 4/5 stars. He lost a star because the book doesn't have much on how to fix it, but the dreaded "see a therapist."

The best person I ever talked to was other patients in the hospital. Had good and bad therapists in the hospital. No offense, but the Medicare/Medicaid patients basically kept those people living large, and did little for it. The psychiatrists I had were all top notch. They should've cleaned up on therapy. The 4 I had would talk for an hour if need be. They weren't 5 minutes, here's your>

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

#388136 - 03/03/12 06:50 AM Re: Just lost my Counsellor [Re: phoenix321]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4285
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
P. S. to the Mike Lew book recommendation (which i second whole-heartedly!) - he has a follow-up book called "Leaping Upon the Mountains" - which is the results of surveys from survivors on what they had found helpful in their recovery. I read that one as well and it is excellent. (Amazon has it.) It is not as enthralling to read because it has fewer anecdotes/longer stories. but it is in the exact words of survivors about the tactics they used at different stages of recovery - from beginning to much later and gives very practical advice - straight from "the horse's mouth." I intend to keep referring to it like a reference book as time goes by ...


How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3


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