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#387886 - 03/01/12 12:58 PM Re: Am I the only one who can't cry? [Re: 1lifenow]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
After I regained the ability to cry, I went through a phase where tears came out of only one eye, my right eye. For instance in watching a sad movie.

No the tear ducts were'nt blocked. It was caused by dissociation between my eyes. The right eye expressed the emotions and the left eye was stoic. Funny? No, tearful!


#387894 - 03/01/12 03:25 PM Re: Am I the only one who can't cry? [Re: pufferfish]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
While contacting the grief that's all blocked and walled off is I think important, there are other ways of expressing it than crying. There's nothing wrong with that for men or women in the slightest, but it's a bit of a feminine mode. To sit around with others and cry over a loss.

Tom Golden wrote the book "Swallowed by a snake" about men grieving. And has a video on his web site. I relate to what he's saying a lot because I don't cry at all easily, and almost never in the presence of others. Partly that's because I was punished for being sad as a child but, too... I think our culture is pretty ambivalent about men crying. Tom talks about that too. Men are criticized for "not dealing with their feelings" but if a father, a man, bawls his head off people are afraid. OMG, he's loosing it! What's wrong with him!!! They fear he's somehow not reliable, or competent or damaged beyond repair.

Tom talks about rituals, and actions are important to men. Doing something in honor of something. I've started doing things like this. When my partners father died, he made an urn for his ashes that I think was really important to his grieving.

You might think about how you might create something symbolic for the younger parts of you. Like, an alter of gifts to the child you were. Talk to him about it. You could carry some of those things around with you to honor that part of you and what was lost then. And perhaps reclaim those parts in the process. It would make a great series of posts here too: all the little gifts you create for your little boy, teen, young man self.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

#387911 - 03/01/12 05:57 PM Re: Am I the only one who can't cry? [Re: 1lifenow]
Asmodeus Offline

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
I don't understand it either. The last time I cried was six years ago.

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

#387972 - 03/02/12 01:37 AM Re: Am I the only one who can't cry? [Re: 1lifenow]
Wolfe Offline

Registered: 02/23/12
Posts: 4
I recently found a picture of myself as a young boy aged at about the same time as I was starting to be abused and that did it for me, I cried for that little boy for hours. Hang in there man.

#388030 - 03/02/12 09:02 AM . [Re: pufferfish]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/13/13 04:25 AM)

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