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#270851 - 01/11/09 10:29 PM Reaction to cruelty
martian Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Purgatory
For as long as I remember I have had an involuntary sexual reaction to cruelty.
Often when I witness cruelty I experience the same bodily reaction as when I get sexually aroused.
I always feel my blood pump to my penis twice.

This cruelty can be anything (mostly on TV) from inflicting pain on another, humiliation, physically hurting someone, usually in situations where the perpetrator has power over the victim.

Other than these bodily reactions I don't have anything with cruelty, sexual or otherwise or S&M or anything like that.

My older brother however, has displayed joy in being cruel to other people all his life and as his little brother I was his favorite target.
Also my father had (probably still has) a secret interest in S&M.

I was wondering if I am the only one who experiences crazy things like this or if anyone here is experiencing any bodily reactions like this.

Empty as I am.

#270859 - 01/11/09 11:01 PM Re: Reaction to cruelty [Re: martian]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
It is probably not an unusual reaction. Many of us have similar problems with porn or with violent porn. It seems that we become sexually aroused seeing abuse combined with remembering our own abuse. It may be that we experienced sexual pleasure when we were abused and are confused by our bodily reaction to abuse. Your bodily reaction to violent stimuli is most likely related to some pleasure that you experienced when abused or some degree or fear which manifests itself in a bodily reaction to the stimuli, much as a churning stomach does. Remember, what happened to you wasn't your fault. You were a child who did not have the ability to consent to sexual contact and you were dependent on the adults around you for your safety and welfare. A physical bodily reaction to fear caused by getting triggered by violent stimuli is not unusual in CSA survivors.

This too shall pass eventually as you work towards your freedom through your recovery.

Have hope,


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#387643 - 02/28/12 08:37 PM Re: Reaction to cruelty [Re: Trucker51]
martian Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Purgatory
Thank you for your reply Trucker51.
I now understand that these reactions are similar to the 'body memories' I experience when confronted with pain or injuries and all the strange associations in my mind.
I am sorry it took me three years to post a reply here.
Hopefully some day I will be able to tell my story.

Empty as I am.

#387715 - 02/29/12 06:33 AM . [Re: martian]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/13/13 04:27 AM)


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