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#387624 - 02/28/12 12:50 PM My Anger
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 304
Loc: Canada
I started therapy last week and told my story in detail for really the first time. I expressed my feelings the way I have wanted to and described what took place. I shrunk into my seat, avoided eye contact,fiddled with my hands, and struggled to find the words. I felt so incredibly small, and vulnerable.

I was angry last night. Angry that anything remotely sexual with an actual human being triggers seemingly endless anxiety. Angry that I am still confused about my sexuality. I had an emotional outburst, and I did so by myself. I screamed out loud while sitting on my couch, and it came out so raw that tears soon followed.

I put the blame back where it belonged, and for the first time I am angry with him. Angry for what he did to me, that he took advantage of me, that he told me that's what friends do, that he offered me a choice to stop even though I was not equipped to make the decision. I yelled at the top of my lungs until my voice gave way. I have never felt this angry before, at least not directed at James (his name). I spoke as if he was right in front of me. I was very emotional. Even now, there are tears behind my eyes. I took all that rage and used it against the punching bag hanging in my basement. I vowed to myself looking in the mirror that I will build my body so that nobody could ever again hurt me. It feels like the right way to deal with my vulnerability as a man.

I don't feel the intense anger I was feeling yesterday. I do still feel emotionally fragile. Like people can see through me. I didn't know these angry places existed in me. I do now.

Heal well brothers.

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#387625 - 02/28/12 01:23 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Letourski]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3229
Letourski

You must feel great to get it out--I know when I first told the story I was scared, shaking, nausea and sick, crying but once I got it out I felt better. I only told the story but you went further and push the blame where it belonged--not you but the abuser--excellent. Keep healing


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#387628 - 02/28/12 01:38 PM Re: My Anger [Re: KMCINVA]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I am so glad for you. Great job.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#387661 - 02/28/12 06:33 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Jim1104]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3968
Loc: settling in the USA again
Good work, man!!! You rock!

_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#387689 - 02/28/12 08:54 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Letourski]
Forexpreneur Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Very awesome progress brother!!!!!

I am very happy for you. I have plenty of work to do on that in my life, but one step at a time for me.

Heal well Brother. smile

Alex


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#387691 - 02/28/12 09:02 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Forexpreneur]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 304
Loc: Canada
Thanks for the encouragement gents!

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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