I go to Al Anon which is for the relitives or spouse of an alcoholic. It's too often confused as AA. Any way I've been taking risks and telling I was molested and letting people know when I am scared of them. I'm risking making mistakes and seeing that I don't get jumped on. I'm confronting things that make me scared, people. Thie first time I told to a meeting of 30 people I was scared the rest of the day and trying to figure out what people thought of me, worst case sceanario. But the next day I had no fear, no body shame, did not care what people thought of me. I'm finding exposure theripy works.
Confronting old tapes: I'm not crying to manipulate you, I am not lying about my abuse to get attension or cause trouble. I'm not a bad person, people will reject me, and the world is not a safe place. I am sticking my neck out, risking, and finding I don't get jumped on. In my childhood I was blamed, told I was a liar, abandoned by my relitives as a liar, and told when I cry that Iwas just trying to make people feel sorry for me i.e. manipulate. Imagine that a child in pain and crying and parents tell you your just trying to make people feel sorry for you. My crying today happens when I don't want to cry. So I should not feel quilty when I cry. Confronting my programing lets me see even more how whacked my parents were.
I have ptsd. Social security believs me, victims of crime believes I have it and also belives me when I say I was molested. That is new to me as no relitives ever believed me. But I called victims of crime and they believed me right when I said it without proff or me trying to convince them. I get my theripiy paid for from them. So unusual to be beleived right from the start, to the point of them spending money to help me. Should I not been beleved by relitives and had them help me? I'm not a liar and people don't think I would lie about this. Sucha different world new and strange.
Edited by little big man (02/28/12 06:37 PM)
There is the Thinker and with meditation, the one who watches the Thinker. Get to know the one who watches the thinking. The mind is inherantly pure, we can always go there. An empty mind is a ready mind, it is ready for anything.