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#387396 - 02/26/12 10:38 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: Forexpreneur]
tohui Offline

Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: N Las Vegas NV
Thank you Alex,
The thing is I have no anger is that wrong? Or could it be bottled up deep inside right along with the rest of my emotions? You know when I'm around people y feel nothing. I know who's in pain, who is nervous who is going through hard times who just needs help and usually I go out of my way to help. But there is no connection there is no gee I wonder what those people are doing today. Is this natural?

#387399 - 02/26/12 11:05 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3785

welcome and sorry you have been through so much. I did not have anger--so I thought--it was buried with the child and my other emotions. As I went through therapy I learned there was anger--I was angry with myself and not directing it at my abuser. I had shame and blamed myself for allowing it to happen. So I must have been the cause so I was angry at myself. I learned it was not may fault, I was a child and eventually I found the anger and have directed it toward the abuser. I am healing and as I let go of the anger directed at myself I am connecting with the part I long buried or disowned--the place where the pain was. So this may be what you are experiencing.

#387741 - 02/29/12 11:28 AM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
Forexpreneur Offline

Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner tohui. As far as not having anger, chances are it's just bottled up. We were taught in many different ways to not tell, sometimes to not feel, etc. We all are affected in different ways.

I know I have anger and I know there is violence inside of me. Thankfully I have never hit a partner or friend, and I'm not a jerk. Nor am I an angry person very often. But the anger is there and it does come out in my writing and some of the music I listen to. Even my T brought that up to me in the last session. She noticed a couple of themes we haven't discussed in session and she said, Alex you have a lot of anger and you even use the word "angry" quite a bit.

For me tohui, I am AFRAID of anger. For me, like too many of us, anger= abuse, pain, terror, etc. It has lead to a long history of depression for me. I was recently officially diagnosed with PTSD and after studying it and asking my T about it, I've had it most of my life and never even knew it. But tohui, depression usually is anger turned inwards.

I hope this helps brother. Feel free to write back or even PM me if you would like. Heal well brother. wink

#387749 - 02/29/12 01:25 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: Forexpreneur]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
I accepted what happened it has shaped who I am

Well Tohui, you're ahead of the game at least with that realization right there. SO SO Many guys I've talked to who have abusive things in their past operate under the statement that "That was a long time ago, it doesn't effect me anymore...". I don't disagree or argue with them, but I know better. Many times I can see the effects oozing out in every decision they make, but I can't force them to see it. It's work they have to do themselves and their still in denial about it all.

I'm hypersensitive too. I've actually found it to be an asset. I know who's being honest, who's lying, who's just embellishing their story to make it sound better. Yes I can tell when someone is hurting and what have you. Many times though I have no clue what to do to help or even if I should.

I'd say take your time in all this, but I know better. Most when they get here rush through this maddening race to get it all figured out. That's fine, I did it too. There will come a time when suddenly it feels like all time has stopped, the pain, and anger, it'll all suddenly be there. I can't say be ready for it, because nothing can prepare you. Just know, that when that moment arrives, we'll all be here for you.

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother;"

We are a band. I wounded, surviving band. Together we'll stand, helping one another along.

To healing!

#387782 - 02/29/12 07:05 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: JustScott]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
I know that my molestation thru childhood has contributed to my anger issues, rage, being very sensitive to words or criticism. I played sports non stop to try and prove I was better than I felt. I tried to overdo every task an looked for words of praise to build me up. All of this was done because the little bot in me was feeling like he was less than a person and different. Now I know it was my molestors fault for subjecting me to the pain and agony for the most part. It is easy for me to just say it is all their fault but I don't want it to seem that way. I take full responsibility for my actions but now I know why I acted those ways and won't repeat them. Best of luck to you and I wish you the eat.

Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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