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#387175 - 02/25/12 03:54 AM Coping Skills
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
OK So I been thinking, (Miracle I know)But many damaged people come here for help, they come here for guidance, advice, and a little direction on how to overcome difficult situations.

How about the guys that have been around the block, set out some of their coping skills that they have used to overcome things like nightmares, flashbacks, body memories etc.

I know that in different posts we have mentioned them before, So lets put them down here for all to refer to.

Lets see how many we can get

Heal well all
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#387177 - 02/25/12 04:31 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: whome]
Forexpreneur Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Awesome idea Martin.

Personally I have learned many techinques. Some work really well most of the time, and others work well sometimes but not at others times and I have no idea why.

If I can remember (not always easy in the moment) I use breathing excercises to calm my mind down.

I also meditate (I practice Zen Buddhism), but not as often as I'd like.

I'm a certified hypnotist and create my own hypnosis programs from time to time, but I have to listen to the same hypnosis recording a few times for it to really work.

I also purchased a really good program called "Sharm" which I use to creat binaural/isochronic programs with near subliminal messages on self esteem and other things. Those take a lot of repitition to work at all, or at least for me.

I have been learning and using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques the last couple of months which has been the thing that seems to have helped me the most. Someone can look for "CBT For Dummies" and learn it fairly easily. It takes some time to work through an "automatic thought" but I've really have had some of my best healing from this.

I also from time to time will stand in front of a mirror and look myself in the eyes and say that "I deserve to be happy", "I deserve love", "I'm a good person", etc. It's a self esteem excercise and it saddens me because I still have plenty of issues there because most of the time I get a flood of automatic thoughts/voices that say that "I'm a piece of crap", "I'm ugly" etc. But for me it's a good way to gauge what I still need to work on.

That's it for now. I have done plenty of other things like EFT, etc but I'm taking a break from some of those things at this time for various reasons.

Take care brother and heal well. Once again, what a great idea and great post!

Alex


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#387178 - 02/25/12 04:48 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
1) Positive Affirmations, telling myself that things are well when they aren't. This has been a good tool for me when I prayed for it all to end.

2) Meditation. When the nightmares were so bad I didn't want to go to sleep. Turning off and thinking about beautiful places and things before I tried to fall asleep.

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#387188 - 02/25/12 08:43 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: whome]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5958
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Martin, Alex, great recovery techniques!

MaleSurvivor is about Overcoming Sexual Victimization, and too often we can get stuck in the gears and lose sight of the vehicle that is helping us to recover.

I am Responsible for my well being. In personal research, having an understanding of my issues as they present themselves in recovery. "Why am I angry/fearful/sad all the time?", "where is my joy?", "why do I let things irritate me?" and the big ones, "why am I thinking about the abuse now?", "why can't I get along with my partner/children/co-workers nor myself?" Having the answers to these questions gives me the reason(understanding) I need to overcome the emotional response of the abuse.

I am worthy of forgiveness. Shame and blame were overwhelming to me. I "liked" the abuse, so doesn't that make me apart of it, maybe even an initiator? No, forgiving me was a huge hurdle that brought copious rays of relief.

Enjoying spiritual things. Alex mentions looking in a mirror and affirming worth and value. I go for walks in nature, praise God for His ability create magnificent works of beauty, and I am able to disconnect from chaotic thinking. While in nature, or contemplating it, I find the spot my little boy(fragamented personalities) reside in me and speak to him. "I brought you here because I love you. You are so precious to me, and I want the very best for you."(I was not able to write that with dry eyes.)
Empathy for myself and others. "Holding" my feelings as important, validating them. Not dismissing them nor demanding that they "shut up" or "go away". Really getting the sense of the pain and fear, and being able to "sit" with those painful emotions until the fragmented personalities calm down as they have someone who related to them.
Patience. This is gonna take awhile. The overwhelming emotions will rise, crest and ebb. They will dissipate. They will not destroy me. I do have the strength and courage to overcome this panic attack, isolation, anxiety, trigger, flashback... I will survive. I will balance myself, I will heal.

Forgive the length dear brothers, recovery is a passion, bordering on obsession, I do love the relief of it,
Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#387195 - 02/25/12 09:20 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: SamV]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Take time to just "be"

Someone reminded me of the Buddhist technique of Awareness in another post dealing with disturbing or intrusive thoughts.

Breathing and being present with myself do wonders to disengage the fear and adrenaline that can run my life.

Be
Aware
Breathe

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#387455 - 02/27/12 12:15 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: Mountainous Buck]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Jogging

Turned out to be a time that I could tune out the world and feel my body hurt and live

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#387463 - 02/27/12 01:06 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: whome]
Clockwise Offline


Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 304
Loc: Pennsylvania
Listening to music is one of my coping mechanisms. It takes me to another world even if only for a little while. I can imagine myself in the music video performing. It's embarrassing to admit here because I am not talented but still, it helps even if only for a little while.

_________________________
Yet another 24 hours.

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#387513 - 02/27/12 03:05 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: Clockwise]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3236
I have just tuning out the triggers has helped me cope. This morning I was attacked because the cell phones were temporarily deactivated--turns out there was an issue with some calls that were outside the norm--I was told in a demeaning tone our daughter was upset that she has no cell phone-lives 700 miles away and has a full time job, accused of deactivating the cell phones deliberately, called a few choice words-in the past I would let it hit my heart and I would have intrusive thoughts all day of the abuse--but now I realize it has been so on-going for years that it no longer effects me. I decided no one was going to keep putting me into the state of anxiety and flashbacks, so as I heal I am feeling stronger about myself. I have been accepting the abuse as being what it is, cannot change the past and it was not my fault. I need to look forward. I basically have put up a blocking mechanism to the words and think positive affirmations as everything around me goes on. It seems to be working. Think positive thoughts and affirmations of your worthiness. It makes you realize you are a pretty darn good person--not perfect--but valuable and worthy.


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#387527 - 02/27/12 04:55 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: SamV]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Whome,

Great topic. First, I want to say that I am truly responsible for my own healing. I ask for help. I listen to advise. BUT, I am truly responsible for my own self. Here are the coping skills I need:

1. Prayer.
2. Meditation.
3. Staying connected with others.
4. Being there for others.
5. Having fun in my life - recovery can not be done 100% of the time. I was doing recovery 100% of the time and I fell.
6. Go for walks.
7. Listen to others.
8. Be present.
9. Live life today.
10.See my therapist weekly.
11.Stay sober - for me means I need to attend meetings weekly.
12.Prayer.
13.Read affirmations of worth for myself and others.
14.Journal.
15.take care of my daily needs.

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#387529 - 02/27/12 05:06 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: Avery46]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3236
Avery

Great list have done many of those but can always add more to keep moving ahead. Thanks


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#387530 - 02/27/12 05:16 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: KMCINVA]
Treehugger75 Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 159
Loc: Ontario Canada
So far I have a short list.

1) Simple awareness
2) Intentional breathing
3) Failures

I hope to incorporate more and allow others to fade into my subconcious as I progress in my healing.



Edited by Treehugger75 (02/27/12 05:16 PM)
Edit Reason: oh and i read and edit posts
_________________________
I will never ALWAYS be right, I wasn't wrong, I am whats left.

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#387535 - 02/27/12 06:18 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: Treehugger75]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3968
Loc: settling in the USA again
Tree-
What do you mean by "Failures"?!
If that were a coping technique - i'd be doing GREAT!!!!
There must be more you're not saying...
Lee

_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#387694 - 02/28/12 09:39 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3236
Tonight I had to practice. In the house accused of things outloud. I realized it is a control technique, yelled so children can hear and within a minute the child is yelling echoing the same words and then onto my acting out, details which are not quite accurate. So be it, I lost it shortly and internalized my affirmations. It worked. I feel at ease but admit I could feel the abuse but put it into a proper perspective. Even was able say they have not attempted to understand CSA but dismiss it as something that does impact a life. I actually am sad for tbeir inability to even try to understand how CSA and abuse and how it can destroy. But it is something I cannot dismiss I will live with it and heal. Coping is hard but can be learned. Thanks for all the insights.


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#441594 - 07/21/13 10:02 AM Re: Coping Skills [Re: Avery46]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
I happened to stumble upon this post today - what a great read.

Originally Posted By: Avery46

1. Prayer.
2. Meditation.
3. Staying connected with others.
4. Being there for others.
5. Having fun in my life - recovery can not be done 100% of the time. I was doing recovery 100% of the time and I fell.
6. Go for walks.
7. Listen to others.
8. Be present.
9. Live life today.
10.See my therapist weekly.
11.Stay sober - for me means I need to attend meetings weekly.
12.Prayer.
13.Read affirmations of worth for myself and others.
14.Journal.
15.take care of my daily needs.


Playing or listening to music is the best way I cope, I think. Also reading the daily affirmations on MS. I talked to one of the moderators a few days ago and he's suggested I write out a list of positive traits I can think of about myself and reading it everyday. Exercise (soccer for me) does wonders too.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#441627 - 07/21/13 07:30 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: whome]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 442
Loc: canada
Hey husky, thanks for bumping this thread. Also, thanks to everyone who has posted in it way back when,
I have realized that I have very few reasonable coping skills and start falling back on unhealthy ones when push comes to shove.
Here is my list of things I should be doing to help me get through tough moments...
1. Listening to music, singing, playing guitar. Sometimes I can't figure out how I am feeling until I can sing a song that sums it up for me.
2. Go for a walk, ride my bike or skateboard. Get out of the house and out of my head.
3. Physical affection with safe people. Realizing I need a lot of physical touch to feel safe, but gotta make sure it's healthy and all that. A hug, holding someone's hand, whatever.
4. take a deep breath, stay present, name things in the room, try to bring down anxiety and confusion by reminding myself of where and when I am.
5. Have fun
6. Laugh, call someone who makes me laugh
7. Swing. I have this huge adult man sized swing on a tree in the backyard. Awesome.
8. Go to support group, NA or lifering, or SAISA meeting
9. Karaoke. 'Nuff said.
10. Call my therapist
11. Go to meditation group
12. Cartwheels.
13. Write to myself
14. Write to someone else
15. Do something nice for someone

That's all I can think of, but a better list than the one I'm currently using wink
Thanks for the ideas.
_________________________
Benji

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#441641 - 07/21/13 09:33 PM Re: Coping Skills [Re: whome]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6338
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
these are the positive coping mechanisms i still use.

smile coffee break.
smile malesurvivor.org.
smile mirror meditations.
smile breathing exercises.
smile positive affirmations.
smile live theater or music.
smile prayer and bible study.
smile read a book or solve a puzzle.
smile nature walks and mountain hikes.
smile play, practice, and perform guitar.
smile write a letter, story, song or poem. just write.
smile call or visit a friend or family member that cares.

any one or combination of the above works for me 100% guarantee.

i have intentionally left out the quick fix coping methods that compound existing problems, or involve unhealthy risks and results.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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