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#386131 - 02/16/12 10:22 PM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: traveler]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1447
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:39 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#386133 - 02/16/12 11:03 PM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: lapchinj]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
traveler,

I am deeply touched by your experience. I am moved by your honesty.

I was abused by 3 males so, I totally get what your saying.

Thanks for posting your experience.

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#386195 - 02/17/12 07:37 PM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3953
Loc: settling in the USA again
Weird thing - had to go back for couple counseling with my wife on Fri. When I got back in the elevator - which i was dreading - i discovered there was NO MIRROR - like i had remembered in that elevator. That had been part of the flashback - being forced to see myself back when i was 15 and then shutting out that memory - not wanting to see it or face it.

Getting a better grip on things now...
Lee

_________________________
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"

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#386340 - 02/19/12 02:09 AM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: traveler]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Loc: California
Lee,
Triggers are triggers, regardless of what...or who..they are.

I was molested and physically tortured by my father who mostly identified as an exemplary role model of an evangelical church leader.

My triggers range from church potlucks and Sunday School rooms to medical exams and Mennen aftershave. I panic when I get an invitation to a party. A PARTY, for god's sake! To me even a party is a confined space with a group of people, much like an elevator...as interpreted in the back of my brain.

You're not "out there" at all. As others mentioned, it's just one of your triggers. In my situation, I've learned that they grow stronger when I fight them, so I've learn to manage them instead.

_________________________
I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

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#386344 - 02/19/12 02:24 AM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: WriterKeith]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3953
Loc: settling in the USA again
thanks, everyone.

still stying to regain my balance. very shaky today. discussed it in the couple session with wife & T. wasn't fun. found where the stairs are...

lee

_________________________
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"

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#386348 - 02/19/12 02:41 AM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3953
Loc: settling in the USA again
and another thing - - realized while talking to T on Fri that as soon as i was safely outside the elevator and on the street - I totally forgot what had happened... until later that day - while checking these forums - a phrase triggered it and it all came back to me. then i wrote the original post in this thread and then i forgot it again until i checked the forums later and saw the post that i'd forgotten i wrote. feel like i'm going crazy. T said it was dissociation - but i've never had such short and obvious ones. and usually when something bothers me i obsess about it for ages and cant forget so this was really strange.

_________________________
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"

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