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#378253 - 12/05/11 10:50 AM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: ges1974]
monkey Offline


Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 53
Loc: IL
Ges, I too, like Skylar can identify exactly what you are saying. I am constantly questioning myself. I have been reading quite a bit from the MS forum and am still coming to terms with myself and just starting to come out. I have yet to reveal my story. I know that this MS site I will find support in most if not all my issues. So glad that we are not alone!

_________________________
Monkey(Mark)
The Flower Unfolding

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#378269 - 12/05/11 01:04 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: monkey]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Finding a safe environment to work through the abuse and its consequences in our lives since is the number ONE thing.

So many T's do not understand and are clueless when it comes to dealing with men whose sexuality has been damaged early in life.

Being able to openly share and admit my pain and struggles and regrets and lies is, for me, the pathway towards freedom and healthy intimacy on ALL levels.

I was born with a uniqueness to be expressed in loving relationships- including with myself, my close friends, my partner And my kids.

Evicting the abuse and perps from these expressions is entirely possible and attainable. It is tr essence of recovery- knowing my true self and learning to be that true self in my relationships.



Edited by Mountainous Buck (12/05/11 01:05 PM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#378688 - 12/08/11 12:30 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: monkey]
ges1974 Offline


Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 17
Loc: illinois
yes i agree,its tough to ask yourself these questions i havn't posted my whole story yet ether just a small summary,it has helped me so much to have found this and to know that i am not alone


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#378693 - 12/08/11 01:03 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: Mountainous Buck]
ges1974 Offline


Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 17
Loc: illinois
hello mountanious,yes its hard to find a safe place to work thru it,i agree being scared of the T's,not many truely understand for sure,guess i am scared of getting the wrong one that makes this whole situation worse for me,i know the being exposed and being damaged early has touched me in every part of my life reguardless if i want to admit it or not


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#379408 - 12/14/11 06:44 AM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: ges1974]
VirtualBman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/20/11
Posts: 21
Loc: Dayton, OH
The worst part for me is that I am told to express my feelings and show my vulnerability. Then as soon as I do my my wife tells me that I am unattractive when I act this way. It's a constant see saw of "men don't have to be macho, but also don't act like a girl. I'm sick of the double standard. Take me as I am and let me try to be who it is I want to be. I am just trying to find the little boy inside of me, who was never all that strong to begin with. This is so fucking hard to balance, I want to give up so often. It's so unfair and frustrating.


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#379415 - 12/14/11 09:28 AM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: VirtualBman]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Vbatman-I hope u can find a safe and supportive environment to do your work in. My loved ones are too emotionally attached to help me with this-it scares them and there are far more qualified men in my network and meetings to help me explore these issues with.

Reading books about recovery from SA, having a T, groups, twelve step programs, these are all powerful resources that guide my journey.

It didn't work for me to take these issues to my partner.



Edited by Mountainous Buck (12/14/11 09:37 AM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#380774 - 12/26/11 09:12 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: ges1974]
dinger57 Offline


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 3
Loc: PA (Near Harrisburg)
This is how i feel I too keep wanting to be with men. My life has been one big lie and i too am so confussed. There are days and times i wish i could die and just get it over with. I keep trying to meet other men but back out at the last minute till I see men at rest stops. I keep asking myself why am I these way. There are times i wish i would die rather than battle this day in and day out.


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#380831 - 12/27/11 01:05 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: dinger57]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: dinger57
This is how i feel...


dinger57 - i think i know what you are going through. it is extremely difficult and very easy to give up. not sure what i type matters in the scheme of things....but hopefully just knowing there are other guys out there in your shoes - this helps a little bit. you aren't alone.

_________________________
Jeff

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#385790 - 02/14/12 08:30 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: ges1974]
1334 Offline


Registered: 05/25/10
Posts: 3
I think the fantasies reflect something less threatening.

Perhaps those who you "think" you are attracted to resemble a piece of yourself that was lost.

In my experience, when I look at it this way, that "attraction" goes away i.e. when I allow myself to live completely, I am complete and there is no "alter ego" with "other desires and motives".

What I mean by "complete" is embracing that part of me that feels that way. Instead of feeling disgusted with myself, I become empathetic and I comfort my anxiety.

God has also comforted me when I couldn't.





Edited by 1334 (02/14/12 08:32 PM)

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#385792 - 02/14/12 08:34 PM Re: struggling with my identity:Triggers? [Re: VirtualBman]
1334 Offline


Registered: 05/25/10
Posts: 3
I think the fantasies reflect something less threatening.

Perhaps those who you "think" you are attracted to resemble a piece of yourself that was lost.

In my experience, when I look at it this way, that "attraction" goes away i.e. when I allow myself to live completely, I am complete and there is no "alter ego" with "other desires and motives".

What I mean by "complete" is embracing that part of me that feels that way. Instead of feeling disgusted with myself, I become empathetic and I comfort my anxiety.

God has also comforted me when I couldn't.


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